I feel sick to my stomach. We learned some potential bad news this afternoon and I'm just sick over it. We brought Elijah to see his pediatrician because of a rash he has in his diaper region. While we were there, we figured we would get the pre-surgery physical (for his hypospadias) out of the way, which was supposed to take place next Tuesday (not anymore). Well, he didn't pass his physical. His liver is enlarged and his oxygen sats are down to 75%. These things most likely point to heart failure. Either he has fluid build-up, which means a bit of Lasix might help out. Or it could mean that he is outgrowing the shunt in his heart and that the dreaded Big Surgery is a lot closer than we had thought. We have an appointment with Dr. Gremmels in two weeks, so I'm sure we will get a better idea of things then.
We have had such a nice break from heart-related issues for so long now. It's almost like I have convinced myself that Elijah is a healthy baby. He eats well and continues to gain awesome weight and certainly doesn't act like he's sick at all. Today I was jolted back into reality. He IS a sick boy. And he might need surgery soon.
I just don't feel prepared for this, if this is the road we have to go down right now. It's much different this time. Elijah is an actual little person with a personality and character. I don't feel strong enough to face this right now. I don't want to hand my precious boy over to the anesthesiologists and endure it all over again.
But I have to be strong for all of us, especially for our sweet Elijah. He needs a strong mama. And I need to stop being such a whiner. We could really have it so much worse. Sorry for the bad attitude and giant blog rant. I'll feel better tomorrow.
7 comments:
Hey Megan...my heart is aching for you right now...you are a strong momma...and you will be strong for that little guy, but it surely doesn't make it easier on you!
My prayers are just that God's perfect timing will be in all of this the next few weeks...even in determining when the surgery will be.
Elijah is strong boy and has so much going for him...no matter when he heads into surgery!
You'll make it...just one day at a time! Sending LOTS of hugs.
Krista
You are so strong...but remember it is okay to lean on others through all this.
I am so sorry that this is going on. I know that feeling so well...it is almost like we let our guard down only to be hit in the stomach.
I want you to remember that you have so many people who love you all and that are keeping you all in our prayers. I know that you have this amazing strong boy and if the surgery is coming sooner rather than later, that is what is meant to be. You are allowed to be scared, that is what a good mom does.
I am here for you whenever you need me. Has the doctor gone ahead and started him on the Lasix already? Can the cardiologist not get you in any sooner? I just want you to have peace of mind.
Lots of love and prayers!
Love,
Samantha
I too am sorry for you and Elijah. Russ and I were just talking today about how this whole "heart" thing is like a roller coaster ride that we can't get off of. Just take the turns and drops as they come, hold your little boy tight and you will make it through this.
Dina
Hi Megan,
I'm so sorry you're going through this. You sound so defeated. I have said the exact same thing you did about how the next surgery will be so much different....these are now our little boys! I will be praying for you and it sounds like you have a strong support system, which is great. You can count me in there now, too! This is totally the "club nobody wants to join" but we have to be thankful for the wonderful friends we have made while in it. We were all chosen for a reason. Big hugs to you! Cindy
My heart sank when I read your post. It is okay for you to feel the way you do. Even though you are crushed with this news does not mean you are not strong. These experiences we have with our "heart" babies (now children) is what increases our strength and courage. The rash is what God gave Elijah to get ya'll to the pediatrician to find out this news early. Focus on that positive. I will pray for a quick response from doctors. I will pray for strength for you and your family, a solid medical plan, and steady hands for Dr. Moga, (aka McDreamy). At least our heart surgeon isn't bad to look at. Keep up your great work!
Tiffany
Deep breaths, love. You've got a stong little guy and a huge support system. Not an easy time for you. I cannot imagine. Sending hugs. xo.
My prayers are with you all! Be strong and just give that little man tons of hugs and kisses! God's strength!!
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