This week I have been thinking a lot about what we were dealing with last year at this time. It must be the longer days combined with the hope of spring, because these are the things that were present then. The weeks leading up to Elijah's second surgery were simply awful. His heart was so weak, and we saw much evidence of that. It was a very scary time. I hope to never experience fear like that again. It has taken a lot of work for me to deal with the anxiety that started around that time. It has gotten a lot better for me, and I am finally starting to feel like I'm a human again. There was a long stretch of time where I would constantly feel like I was on the verge of a full-blown FREAK OUT panic attack (thankfully that only actually happened once, and unfortunately my good friend Ronda had to witness it).
As I was thinking about the things we were dealing with last year at this time, I went back into the archives of this blog and read through all of the March and April 2008 entries. When I wasn't shaking my head at some of the annoying things I wrote, I was crying. They were tears of pain and tears of happiness combined. Elijah's health could not have been more frail then, but LOOK AT HIM NOW. This kid. He is amazing.
April 15th is no longer Tax Day for me. It is now the day my little boy was fixed. While other people may be stressing about this day, we will always be celebrating it with our whole hearts. Without the surgical repair Elijah received on that day, he would not be with us right now.
So with the coming of spring, I am sure the memories of last year will come a little more regularly, but I am ok with that. It is painful to think back, but all I have to do is look at my little miracle and be filled with joy about how far he has come.
12 comments:
*big sigh*
girl... I so know what you're saying...
March 16th marks Matthews anniversary of his second heart surgery.. 3 yrs now...
but now I worry b/c we were told that on average, he would need OHS every 3 yrs to change out that conduit..... that was silly..
I ALWAYS WORRY.. but now that it's been the three years... I feel like it's around the corner...
Every day is a blessing, huh...
even as I pull Matthew out of the refrig... pull him off a counter top.. get him out of all my cabinets... spilling juice all over ... hiding anything he gets his little mits on...
I know what you're saying.
Us heart Mom's have that bond of understanding. October is our month for both of Evan's surgeries and it is a celebration of what he has overcome. I read back too though and see the pain and fear in my writing and remember how it felt. We came through a lot and I'm so proud of all of us. Your an amazing Mom and Elijah is one amazing kid. Heart hugs to you all today as you are gearing up for the celebration of his 1 year mendaversary. xoxo.
I can so relate to what you've written. Such a blessing that Elijah is doing so well now, what a miracle baby!
He is a little miracle man. What a joy to see Elijah thriving and coming into his own like he has been. Can't believe it has been almost a year already?! Amazing!
Salute to you and all the heart mums and dads. Elijah is doing so well now, what a strong little man, bless him.
I've had the same feelings lately...
I guess because our kiddos are doing so good..it's simply a miracle that they are here with us.
HUG that little man tight for me!!!
hope you have a fun weekend planned!
You certainly do have a very special miracle ... he is such a sweet little blessing and has made amazing progress in the past year.
Elijah has come a long ways since last year. He is just a bundle of joy and what a true blessing he is.
It is really nice to have other people to talk to that know exactly what you are going through. You are such a great Mom Meagan always remember that. We work so hard to keep our family going. Hope you had a nice weekend.
How far he's come is right!! You have such a little champ there my friend!
you are a strong and amazing woman and mother. I got so teared up reading this post...you have come through so much and have a faith that has been tested and has come through the fire..i am so blessed to be your cousin and friend. we love you guys!!
ann marie and paul
you are a strong and amazing woman and mother. I got so teared up reading this post...you have come through so much and have a faith that has been tested and has come through the fire..i am so blessed to be your cousin and friend. we love you guys!!
ann marie and paul
I finally have a chance to respond to this post (Justin tends to hog the computer).
I just wanted to let you know that I think you are such a positive person even through the worst of times. This is how you inspire me.
I remember reading about those months or weeks leading up to Elijah's surgery like it was yesterday. I cannot believe it's been almost a year since his OHS. Time flies, doesn't it? I remember your feelings of turmoil with having to be at work and at home with him. I don't think you were annoying one bit. Don't be so hard on yourself...You were going through a very tough time, and I think you did it beautifully.
Back in January, I also went through several anniversaries for Justin that I call life-versaries. I never really marked the calendar, or written down the dates that he had his cath, stroke, or OHS. But, somehow, my body knew, and reminded me. I, too, remember feeling glum around the time of those events, and didn't know why. A song or random thought would put me to tears, even while driving in the car.
Now, I look at Justin, and cannot believe the kid he was then, in that hospital.
Time changes everything.
I am so happy to see Elijah thriving and growing and being happy and spunky.
And, you are one awesome Mama.
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