Blankets

We were rebels today. We canceled Elijah's post-post-op appointment because the 12:30 time slot that we tried to reschedule (we are becoming increasingly glad that neurology is not his main specialty) would have thrown Elijah's entire nap/day off schedule. His incision looks great, so we are going to assume it is ok to bathe the dirty boy as we attempt to make another post-post-op appointment.

Yes, we are super protective of his sleep schedule and I'm very proud of that!

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A few months ago I submitted Elijah's name to the CHD awareness quilt project. Each handmade quilt block honors a specific child with Congenital Heart Disease. Forty-two blocks are put together to create a quilt that travels around the country to promote CHD awareness. There are many quilts that have been put together by generous people donating their time for this cause.

When I entered Elijah's submission for a quilt block, I was asked to write about a few of his main interests so they could incorporate those things onto his block. I don't remember exactly what I wrote, but what they created for him was absolutely perfect. I opened the image that was sent to me this past weekend and I was overcome with emotion.



Once I wiped away my tears, I called Elijah over and sat him on my lap so he could see a picture of his very own quilt block. I am not kidding you, he excitedly said, "GUCK! (truck!) CAW! (car!) NNN-DA! (zebra!) EE-EE-OO-OO (monkey noises) OOK! (book!) OB! (Bob The Tomato)," with no pauses in between words. Oh sweet boy, this is indeed your CHD square!

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On a somewhat related topic, I have discovered a very intense connection with an object that we "acquired" from Elijah's most recent hospital stay. We always seem to come home with a hospital-owned object or two after we have spent a few days there. Most of the time it is accidental and we get home and go, "Oh look! I guess Elijah has some more purple pajama pants!" This time, though, we acquired a small blanket not entirely by accident. I wouldn't call it theft, either. As we packed our things to leave the hospital, it ended up getting stacked with the rest of our blankets and we just didn't make much of an effort to pull it out.

When we got home I started to fold up the little blanket and drape it over the chair in Elijah's room along with the rest of his blankets when I was overcome with a feeling I couldn't explain. I felt a strange, close connection with it. I went into Dan's and my bedroom and tucked it under the covers on my side of the bed, not really knowing why. Every night since then, I have slept snuggled up to that thing as tightly as if it were one of Voldemort's horcruxes (sorry, Harry Potter on the brain).

I can't put into words why this blanket is so important to me. I feel why it is important, but I'm not sure there are words to describe that feeling. The only thing I can think to say is that Elijah literally sweat, bled and cried tears of emotional and physical pain onto that very blanket, and I want something tangible that won't let me forget every part of that experience. Maybe it is a reminder of his strength or a reminder of the bond we share or a reminder of how far he has come or a reminder of what God has done for us, or maybe all of that.

All I know is that it somehow brings me comfort to wrap my arms tightly around it as I fall into my dreams.