Mama business = serious business

Did you hear that? I just sighed a HUGE sigh of relief. I'm done working in Cannon Falls for the week, so the scrambling is done for now. Dan gets home tomorrow night and I can't wait to squeeze him! It has been a totally crazy week for the little boys and me. This single mom business is no joke! I have a new, great respect for single moms. They are my heroes!!!

My limited patience and the boys' total craziness have been feeding off one another all week. Things that are usually a piece of cake have suddenly become chaotic. I don't know if it's chance or Dan's absence or both. Putting the boys to bed the past few nights has been filled with stress, which has never been an issue for us. This morning on the way to daycare, Sammy realized he had forgotten his sunglasses. It was raining, so I assured him he wouldn't miss them. The entire ride to daycare involved screaming (like, ear-clutching SCREAMING), punching the door, punching the air toward me and yelling potty words that I've never heard come from his mouth. Three of the past six school days for Elijah have been "bad" and the other three were "ok." Elijah has reverted to waking up at 3:00-4:00am, which I don't get. He's also been having a hard time falling asleep at night, which isn't like him at all. I'm praying all of this is just a result of a major change in family dynamic/routine and that it'll go back to normal...tomorrow.

Tonight there was supposed to be a carnival at Elijah's school and we were all really looking forward to it. There were going to be games, a raffle, yummy food, friends, etc. As Elijah and I sat in the car outside daycare while picking Sammy up (torrential rains had swept in, so I was trying to wait it out), I received a recorded call from the school. The carnival was canceled due to inclement weather. Oh man, I knew Elijah was going to have a really tough time with that news. I gently shared it with him and tears immediately squirted out of his eyes. I mean, literally, they flew from his eyes horizontally there was so much pressure and sadness. It broke my heart. I hate seeing my boys genuinely sad! When I got back into the car with Sammy, both of us TOTALLY saturated from the rain, I told the boys we could replace carnival fun with another kind of fun. We'd move pizza-movie night up a night! The boys loved that idea and I actually saw a smile on Elijah's tear-stained face. "Thanks, Mom! That made me feel happy again." It sounds like they'll try again with the carnival next week!

We are so excited to see Dan and to hear about his adventures! The boys and I have missed him so much and we're looking forward to a nice, relaxing weekend together. Next week = a follow-up appointment with E's awesome neuropsychologist, more work in Cannon Falls, Dan's and my 8-year anniversary, possible skydiving for Dan and hopefully more rest, normalcy and happiness for all of us!

Thanks for peeking in! Happy early Mother's Day to all of you wonderful mamas!

4th weekend

I just put both boys down to sleep for the night in our "tway-wer." I have major blog work to catch up on while they fall asleep and while Dan finishes jumping. This week has been a bit insane for me. I feel, for about the third time in the past three months, like I have hit my emotional and mental rock bottom. When I found the bald spot on Elijah's head, that sent me to a very dark place. I have never felt so sad and defeated and discouraged before. I spent most of my week sulking and crying. Everything has officially caught up with me. I feel exhausted beyond words. I can feel it in my back, stomach, chest, brain, heart, soul, everywhere. I am tired to the core.

So last night I packed up the boys and headed to the dropzone, our escape place. I love being here. The fresh air and friends and country life does wonders for my spirits, but I don't get great sleep here which I'm sure doesn't entirely help my situation. The good most definitely outweighs the bad.

I noticed yesterday in the car on the way here that Elijah was twirling his hair tightly and repeatedly in his fingers. I have never seen him do this before. Could it be the reason for the hair loss? I suppose. A perfect bald circle, though? Not sure. I am keeping a close eye on it, and praying all will be well. So far I can just see the one bald patch. As my wonderful dad told me on the phone the other night, "Elijah is one of the most beautiful people I've ever known..inside and out..and I will love him no matter what happens to his hair." I love my dad.

Elijah is counting himself to sleep right now...in Spanish! He got bored with counting in English, so now he's onto a new language. He can get up to catorce and gets stuck. Not bad!

Sammy had a great day. He crawled all over the place and drove his Jeep (soooo stinkin' cute) and made about 100 people smile.

Tomorrow we have some great friends stopping by the dropzone for a visit. I can't wait to see them! I pounce on anyone who wants to spend time with us these days! I hope you all have a wonderful and safe 4th weekend! Thank you all for checking in on us. We love you..

Hair loss

This morning as I was feeding Sammy his bottle, I watched Elijah run around the room with all of his crazy energy. Underneath all of his flowing hair, I spotted a bald patch on the back of his head about the size of a golf ball. My heart sank. I called the doctor and got him an appointment right away.

The doctor thinks that the most likely scenario is that he has stress-induced alopecia, the stress obviously being his recent surgery. There is a good chance that he will lose more, but there is also a good chance that it will grow back.

I realize there are much worse things to have happen, but I'm feeling sad and defeated. My heart is heavy and I don't feel like I can handle this. Not now. I want to lock myself in my bedroom and cry.

So that is our story today..