Week of recovery (for Mom)

The week for Elijah has been just as normal as can be! That boy is unfazed and always spunky and positive. His attitude is a constant reminder for me of what kind of attitude I should have! A couple times since Monday I have mentioned to him that we need to start getting used to the "scary mask" since we will need to see it again soon. Elijah responds with, "NO SCARY MASK!" We brought one home with us, and at first he wanted to flush it down the toilet. I have seen him checking it out a few times since and finally talked him into putting it on Lamby. He agreed, but refused to smile (even though you can tell he wanted to).

Life for Dan and me this week has been a little bit sad. I cried a lot for the first two days and nights after we found out about the newest "thing." Then yesterday morning I woke up MAD. Elijah doesn't deserve all of this! I felt like I wanted to punch and kick the cr@p out of a punching bag. So I think I will do that soon. :) I refuse to go back to the dark place I was at two years ago when we found out about his third open heart surgery. I will not go back there, I will not, I will not!

One of the boys' favorite things to do is play Disney Junior games on my computer. Most of the time they sit nicely next to each other. Today was one of those times, so I took a series of cute photos.

Silly brothers.

This is my fault. I told them to kiss each other, so they did. I hope this doesn't embarrass them one day.

Here are a few pics from the hospital that I didn't get a chance to post. The new hospital family waiting area is AMAZING. Elijah loves driving around in these little cars. One of these next times he isn't going to fit in them anymore, but for now they are still tons of fun!

Elijah's little Lamby is his favorite "guy" (girl?) right now. He adores her, and I think it is so cute and sweet. He introduced her to everyone he encountered in the hospital, and not one person mentioned the fact that maybe she was a girl's toy. I appreciated that.  

Here was our post-hospital pic when Dan was picking Sammy up from Grandpa's house. Notice how rested and happy Elijah looks? And how tired I look? Who was the one who got anesthesia?! :)

I was able to have a lunch date with my littlest love this week! Our little Sammy loves home and he loves his family just as much as we love him. On Monday when the rest of us were spending the day at the hospital, Sammy was spending time with his Auntie and Grandpa. He LOVES both of them dearly, but the following day I felt like he was upset with me. How dare you leave me for an entire day, mama! So I figured some one-on-one time was in order.

And here is the lovely scene that is our front yard right now. The ice that had built up on our driveway was so thick that it was nearly impossible to dig into. It has just kept growing and growing over this icy, snowy, cold winter, so Dan went to work on it and did a great job getting rid of the ice. Now it is an ice mountain in our yard! And literally overnight, our driveway is a skating rink again. You should see me carrying my 43-pound son to and from the bus on a sloped skating rink every morning, slipping and sliding all over the place. The kids on the bus must get a good laugh!

The boys have been saying and doing so many funny things lately, as they always are. I will save those for another post. For now, I must retreat to the couch for a bit before bed. Thanks for checking in! Have a great weekend!

Ear troubles

Today brought some news that we did not see coming. We thought we were bringing Elijah in for a routine follow-up for his dislodged/non-functioning left ear tube. We left the hospital with a four-hour surgery on our calendar in order to fix a congenital anomaly called cholesteatoma. Upon inspection, the ENT doctor could see a "mass" behind his eardrum that was yellowish in color. It was not fluid after all, as initially thought.

Thankfully radiology was having a light afternoon, so we scooted right on down to get a CT scan to get a closer look at the mass. He was such an incredibly brave boy today (minus operating room trauma that unfortunately only seems to get worse with time).

The doctor was very nice to us. He told us to walk up to his clinic on the fourth floor once the scan was done so he could review it and talk to us about it in between patients. This was a very generous offer, and we took him up on it.

What we learned is that Elijah was born with a congenital anomaly that did not present itself until recently (typical for this anomaly). Our ENT gives this particular diagnosis only ONCE per year, can you believe it? Cholesteatoma presents as a cyst that presses on the eardrum, and can cause recurring ear infections. This makes total sense since Elijah never had an ear infection until a year or so ago. Once he got his first one, they never seemed to stop and he has had some doozies!

The plan from here is to have a bigger surgery (3 to 4 hours long, depending on what is found) to remove the cyst. They can sometimes do this through the ear, but sometimes need to make an incision behind the ear. Sometimes this surgery will also involve a bit of reconstruction, as the mass can interfere with bone growth.

Hearing a doctor tell you that your child has a "mass" within the confines of his head is NOT fun. I had a little moment of panic when I thought I might lose it. I asked the doctor, "Should we be....worried?!" Somehow this seemed to be a safer way to ask, "Could this be malignant?" His answer was that the extent of our worry should be limited to having to put Elijah through yet another surgery and also that he could possibly suffer from permanent hearing loss. His words: "Will this kill him? No."

Today was a lot to digest, but we are doing ok with it. It's another hurdle and we will come out on the other side stronger than ever, and hopefully with a boy who is able to hear again! As always, Dan's and my biggest struggle has NOTHING to do with ourselves and everything to do with Elijah having to endure further anxiety and pain. That part of it SUCKS. It makes my mama heart hurt so badly for him. He definitely has his triggers that cause major anxiety, but 98% of the time he remains positive and happy. His main source of anxiety is the "scary mask" in the operating room and the subsequent sleeping. We brought a mask home with us today to help alleviate his fears. I am certain I will find it with holes poked into it or possibly in the trash or toilet sometime soon. He does NOT like that thing, and understandably so.

Our surgery date is set for April 23rd. Please pray for complete success and for as little pain and anxiety as possible for our boy. Thank you!

Ear tube surgery, take 2

Elijah will be having the ear tube in his left ear checked/fixed this coming Monday. Yikes! I wasn't quite prepared for it to happen so soon, but it will be SO GOOD to have this situation taken care of. Dan and I are not looking forward to the inevitable vomiting post-sedation (neither is Elijah), but that is a minor hurdle.

Please pray for our boy! Pray for a quick, fixable solution. Pray for a good anesthesiologist. Pray for no vomiting and a settled tummy. Pray for peace for his little self, especially when putting the "scary" mask on his face which is his least favorite part of the hospital experience. When Dan and I told him about his upcoming surgery, he said, "But but but....THE SCARY MASK! And I'm going to throw up!" :(

Thank you! Have a great week.

The left ear and birthday party pics

I am late in getting these party pics posted. Elijah had a great time at his birthday party last weekend. Our wonderful family made it a very special and memorable day for him.

Since Elijah's birthday, Sammy has been saying a lot: "My birthday is coming up! I will be three soon!" I think he is looking forward to receiving special treatment like his bro has in the past week. :)

In between these party pics I will fill you in on our EAR issues. Back in August of 2012, six or so months ago, Elijah got a nasty ear infection. A month or two after that, we noticed that his hearing was diminished. Then, he failed his school hearing screening. We brought him into the doctor and he failed another hearing test. We brought him to his ENT and he failed another hearing test. It was then determined that he had a build-up of fluid which was causing hearing loss and he needed tubes placed in his ears.

In early December Elijah had ear tube surgery. It was a piece of cake, aside from the 24 hours of vomiting that followed. During his follow-up visit, the ENT saw a blockage in his left ear tube and had us put drops in his left ear three times a day for ten days. His words: "70% of the time this takes care of the problem."

Ten days later, we brought him back to ENT and this time the doctor said, "Hmm, I have never in ten years seen anything like this!" Of course. Apparently the drops were able to clear up the blockage, but the back side of the tube has become lodged up against the back side of the ear drum causing hearing loss. 

We have to head back to the hospital for another little procedure. :( Dan and I are bummed. Heading to the hospital is never fun or easy, even for the small stuff.

We haven't scheduled the surgery yet, but will hopefully do that on Monday. We are just looking forward to Elijah being able to hear again! That is the main concern.

And I think I must be having sympathy pains because since my respiratory junk/flu/ear infection in mid-February, I have completely lost the ability to hear out of my left ear (the same ear as Elijah, strangely). It has been AWFUL. It affects my mood, balance, alertness and frustration. If there is ANY sort of background noise (faucet, tv, car, heater, fan), I literally cannot hear a single other thing. Now I have a glimpse into what Elijah has been dealing with for so many months, and I can understand why he occasionally breaks down at school and at home. Please excuse my language, but being hearing-impaired SUCKS.

(look at this happy face)

The doctor I saw last week said to me, "I have never in ten years seen an adult need to have surgery for an ear infection." Is it a coincidence that both my and E's doctors started off with, "I have never in ten years..."

We are hoping both of our ears will feel much better very soon! I feel your pain, Elijah!

A few Sammy tidbits from recently:

Whenever one of us seems amiss, Sammy will say, "Mommy (or whoever), you're not feeling so much??" Translation: "Are you not feeling so good?"

Dan and I have been VERY fortunate to spend tons of time at home with Sammy recently. We feel very blessed about this. As we try to work and clean and cook, etc, Sammy says constantly to us, "MOMMY (or Daddy!), COME SUUUUUGGGLE WIF ME!" This boy could literally sit on the couch with either one of us for hours on end. Just "sugglin'. He loves physical closeness more than anything else in the world.

That's all we have for now! Thanks for checking in and we would greatly appreciate Porta Ear Prayers! :)

Elijah's 6th birthday party!

We love this six-year-old! :)

Birthday photos

Today was Elijah's sixth birthday!

I think we made his day special. It was a memorable day at school, followed by a fun day at home. Dan and I feel BLESSED that we are able to focus our energy on our family so much right now.

Bed head and birthday breakfast pancakes!

This was Elijah's face for the entire day. He kept repeating, "It's my BIRTHDAY! I love this day!"

The balloons were a huge hit. Dan and I had blown them up while he was at school this morning, so when he walked in from getting off the bus he exclaimed, "BALLOONS! WOW! THANKS, MOM!!!"

No six-year-old boy's birthday is complete without an underpants birthday card, right?! Elijah and Sammy giggled over this dancing, singing card for a long time.

Thanks, Uncle Joel and Briana for the Legos!

And Waldo book!

This is the one gift Elijah actually asked for. A Stuffies! 

Thank you, Cecilia and Paul for the movies! We can't wait to watch them! (Can you tell how happy he was to open them?)

And the castle. Our "big" gift for him this year. It was a huge hit.

Especially for Dan! :)

It was a good day. Our oldest boy is six years old. We have come a long, long way, and we are so happy about where we are at.

Thank you ALL for your support and love!

Happy 6th birthday, Elijah!

It's impossible to celebrate Elijah's birthday without reminiscing. And it's impossible to reminisce without getting at least a little bit emotional. It has been an emotional morning for me. Our oldest boy has come very far.

I was able to go snow-shoeing with him and his kindergarten class yesterday. I will admit that I had my doubts beforehand. I thought he might have a hard time, or at least not be motivated to try something so outside his comfort zone. When everyone started buckling up their snow shoes, I did my best to act like it was not a big deal. Like this is something we do every day.

Elijah did not have a single complaint about having clumsy snow shoes strapped to his feet and he followed his classmates around the snow like it was a piece of cake. He climbed hills all on his own and he did great. Really, really great. At one point I watched him run toward me, snow shoes crunching in the snow, a huge smile on his face. He toppled over and I thought, uh oh, he's not going to like that at all. He popped right back up and kept on running toward me.

If you know our boy, you know what a huge thing this is. And what perfect timing to be able to experience this with him just as he is turning six years old.

Six years ago, we got to meet our firstborn for the first time. He was beautiful and perfect. We had survived a rough and worrisome pregnancy, but our baby was ok. He was going to be ok.

Five years ago, Elijah had already had one open heart surgery but was in need of another. He was a very sick baby with a very tired heart. He had cute curly hair and loved Veggie Tales.

Four years ago, he was finally starting to crawl around. This was such a sweet age for him. He was snuggly and so sweet, despite constantly being sick.

Three years ago, Elijah went to preschool for the first time. I remember feeling like he was way too little to be going to school, but I am thankful I was able to let go. Thus began his love affair with school.

Two years ago, we had just found out that Elijah's third open heart surgery was on the horizon. He soared through that surgery like a champ.

One year ago, Elijah was thriving more than ever before in his life (and continues to do so). He was finishing up his third year of preschool and really starting to enjoy his little brother.


Today, on his sixth birthday, he is a smart, spunky, charismatic and super funny little boy. He loves kindergarten and playing with his little brother. He has an attention to detail that is incredible. He tells me that when he grows up, he wants to be "a daddy and a news reporter." He adores the Willy Wonka movies and can often be found imitating Mr. Wonka as he walks around the house with a pretend cane. He loves water parks more than anything in the world. He loves to talk and ask lots of questions and play "tickle" on the couch. He has scars all over his body, big and small, that can tell a hundred stories, but he never sees himself as being "different." I love that about him.

Happy happiest sixth birthday, Elijah!

Croup: Season 3, Round 1 (Samson)

Sammy has been sick for the past few days. I think he caught my flu bug. He has had a low-grade fever and a croupy cough. Last night after I got home from shooting a wedding, he woke up with severe stridor which is always scary. Dan and I stayed up with him for a few hours, taking him out into the cold and giving him medicine and letting him watch tv to help calm him down. (Now that we have new insurance, the ER is very much a last resort.)

By 1:00 am he was still croupy (but better), so we put him into bed with us which ensured NO SLEEP for any of us except Elijah who was soundly sleeping in his own bed. The three of us were exhausted this morning and Sammy was still croupy and sick. Despite our efforts to keep him resting today, he still sounded croupy at the end of the day. We gave him a preventative neb tonight and some oral steroids and hopefully we can avoid another night like last night.

Cool Sammy.. :)

The other day, Elijah said, "Look, Mom! I'm taking care of Sammy!" E has been showing signs lately of caring for his family members. It's nice to see.

Our little thumb sucker.

For once, Elijah has been the only spunky, rested, healthy person in our house lately. I finished off a full week of the flu only to get a horrible ear infection. Hopefully health for all of us is in our future!

Our Valentine's meal, courtesy my wonderful husband.. :)

Elijah turns six years old on Wednesday of this week! I can't believe it! I get to go on a field trip with his class on Tuesday (snow-shoeing...this should be interesting) and we have a day "off" tomorrow. Now that my cookbook is done, I have much more free time which is a bit strange. I need another project!

Thanks for checking in! Dan and I are off to watch Walking Dead. :) More later this week, once we have a six-year-old in the house.

Project complete!

Click over here to see what my secret project has been for the past few months!

Chocolate smiles

I'll write just a quick post today, as I have the flu. Elijah was sick all of last week, sniffling and coughing. We have nothing to complain about, as this has been a very healthy winter for our family!

We don't have much else to report right now. Maybe when my brain is working a bit better I will come up with something. :)

In the meantime, here are a few pics (sorry, they are a few weeks old) that will make you smile. I had made a deliciously chocolatey grilled cheese sandwich for the boys for dinner (scandalous!), so I captured both of their chocolate smiles.

Until next time! Hopefully a healthier time!

Working toward goals

Sammy, please oh please forgive me someday when you see this photo and realize that I have shared it with the world. How can I not share this?! It is the cutest!

Sammy does not yet sit on the potty very much. It is quite the ordeal talking him into willingly getting his bottom into the bathroom, so we have not made a huge deal of it yet. The other day (during the snapping of the above photo) he actually went potty while sitting on the toilet for the first time! A step in the right direction!

Elijah continues to make progress in this area. I am hesitant to get too hopeful because in the past I have gone to that hopeful place and then been really let down. As with everything with our oldest boy, lots of extra time is needed and I am learning to respect the whole process which may end up making me the world's most patient person. :) Our boys are both such amazing little people, and Dan and I do our best to focus on our love for them over anything else.

Dan and I had a lightbulb moment this week in regards to Elijah's behavior and seemingly constant and never-ending tiredness. We "removed" his naps about a year ago, but since then we have occasionally had him lay down for naps on days when he has seemed extra tired. In recent months, we have had him take naps three to four times a week. The days when Elijah has seemed extra tired to me are the days that we typically received concerned notes from his teachers or when we have had extra battles with every little thing. In the past few months I have said many many times to Dan, "WHY is he constantly so TIRED?!"

So this week I had the thought that his naps were disrupting his night-time sleep enough to make him constantly tired. We stopped giving him naps cold turkey and ever since he has been a completely different kid. We still fight the occasional battle, but overall he is so much more easy-going. If he starts to talk back or say something that isn't kind, he is able to turn it around (which is nearly impossible when he is tired). We are putting him to bed basically immediately after dinner and bath every night, but if that is what it takes then we will keep doing it.

Thanks for checking in, friends! More later! Other duties call, which I can reveal soon! :)