Goose Egg

Yesterday morning after Sammy and I got home from running errands, my phone rang. It was Elijah's school and as always, my heart sank when I saw the number pop up. This time, though, I heard something I did not quite expect! When E was walking into lunch from recess, a classmate accidentally ran into him which sent Elijah's forehead straight into the corner of a wall. He got a nice goose-egg and cut on his sweet head.

When the nurse called, she was concerned about Elijah not being able to tell her what exactly had happened. I think she was mistaking his inability to articulate under pressure as a concussion. After chatting with him for ten seconds over the phone, I assured her that he was just fine. When Sammy and I walked into the nurse's office ten minutes later, my sweet Elijah was crying uncontrollably. When he saw me, he said, "I WANT MOMMY!" and cried even harder. Then, "HOLD ME, MOMMY!"

He was fine. He was in a bit of pain (it's an impressive goose-egg!) and I think he felt a little embarrassed about the fall. Sammy and I loaded him up on LOVE...lots of hugs, gentle kisses and an afternoon movie. This morning he was back to new, minus a slightly bruised forehead.

The boys and I have been having a great week (minus the fall, of course)! We have played a lot of games, done tons of tickling and laughed a lot. We miss our Daddy this week and we can't wait to see him bright and early on Friday morning!

Happy Spring! Ha!

We got a heavy, wet, large snowfall overnight last night that the boys and I had so much fun with today. Dan is out of town for the week for work, so he sadly missed out on the block's coolest, tallest, most awesome snowman. This one takes the cake! (Based on its height, guess who built 99% of it!)

A few days after Elijah's tummy was back to normal last week Dan and I both caught the bug. It was horrid. I spent two days unable to do anything. We were a miserable family over the weekend! Thankfully, we are all feeling MUCH better.

Elijah's teacher called me today with a mostly good report. She has noticed some "differences" in him in the past month. There are certain things he is fighting with his school work more than ever (math and writing) and this wasn't a surprise (this is an NLD thing). He fights these things at home, as well. The good differences that she noted are also things we have seen at home in the past month. He is able to transition much better, he handles himself socially much better and he can be talked down from an almost-bad situation much more easily.

We have noticed at home that things have been much improved. Sleep is better, using the restroom is (mostly) not a big deal anymore (umm, this is HUGE), anxieties overall seem to have lessened and situations that would have set him off two months ago can sometimes be averted easily. WHY? I have no idea. Essential oils? Prayer? We've been consistent with both of the above, so maybe one or both are the answer?? The ONE thing that has been worse than usual is his attitude toward Sammy. He is usually so good with Sam and they play together so well. Lately he has been mostly positive to everyone except for Sam. Tonight I had the thought that Elijah's confidence seems to have been boosted. When he interacts with all of us, he has a much more confident spirit. For some reason, that confidence is translated into negativity when he interacts with his little bro.

In conclusion! Ha! I have no idea what is going on, but I am accepting most of these changes with open arms and hope that they only continue to blossom into better times and attitudes. Whatever is sparking this change, thank you!

That's all I've got for now. More later, as the week without Daddy unfolds! Thank you for peeking in!

Heart mama love, jumping from buildings and tummy troubles

The past few days have been intense! I flew to Vegas to meet up with a handful of heart mamas. We all have TWO things in common...we all love Kathy (Isaac's mama) and we all have heart kiddos of our own. It was absolutely incredible. I am still processing it all and parts of it I'm not sure I'll ever be able to explain in words. Being in the presence of these humbled, kind, caring, beautiful women was an incredible thing. We shed tears, laughed A LOT and made some pretty awesome memories. I LOVE these ladies!

Memories include: a trip to urgent care, time spent in the rental house (it was beautiful!), checking out the Bellagio fountains and my favorite hole-in-the-wall Italian restaurant, getting...uh, ROUGH yet enjoyable...massages, having a feast at the house with ALL the heart mamas (some live in Vegas and were not able to join us for the entire weekend) and...one of the most memorable moments from the entire trip was JUMPING OFF THE TOP OF THE STRATOSPHERE! We had been watching people do this on Friday and the skydiver-adrenaline-junkie in me really yearned to do it. That night I dreamed about it and woke up certain that I wanted to give it a try. I talked ONE other heart mom into doing it with me. We were both scared. Really really scared. But the second I left that platform that was 855 feet in the air, I LOVED IT. It was just like skydiving. It was peaceful and enjoyable.

Andrea and me before I walked out onto the platform. Yikes!

I was SHAKING!

Looking out over the Strip, ready to plunge!

Weeee!

Looking up at the Stratosphere from the ground. The blue dot at the top is where we jumped from!

I arrived back home on Sunday and could immediately see that Elijah wasn't feeling well in the car. Dan had been telling me that his tummy was upset for most of the weekend, but it seemed like the second I got into the car things escalated. He vomited A LOT on the drive home and started complaining of a bad tummy ache. I dropped Sammy and Dan off and drove straight to urgent care. The doctor there thought stomach flu was the culprit, but she was concerned about Elijah's neck hurting whenever he vomited. I asked why and she sheepishly said, "Well...that could be meningitis." She went to get discharge papers and a wheelchair (he was hardly able to walk at this point) when he vomited again. And again, his neck started hurting. When I told her this, she said, "Go straight to Children's."

My brain was swimming. I was exhausted and wanted to be home with my boys. A nurse and I loaded Elijah into my car and I headed to Children's, crying. Three minutes into the drive, Elijah perked up. Like, he was completely back to normal. No more hurting tummy or neck or anything. I was so conflicted, especially having just spent time with a friend who lost her son because doctors had ignored important symptoms. Yet I did not want him to have to endure hours of poking and torture for no reason, either. I called a good friend of ours who is an ER doctor. I ran everything by her and she kindly implied that heading back home would be a safe thing to do. She strongly felt that Elijah had a nasty case of the stomach flu and that meningitis was VERY unlikely, given he had no fever and no other symptoms aside from neck pain (which can also occur with the flu).

I felt a ton better after talking to her and headed back home. E stayed home from school today. He didn't throw up all day, and was able to keep food and water down. I limited his eating and it drove him crazy! He was soooo hungry and kept sneaking into the fridge to steal handfuls of sliced turkey. After dinner he complained of a tummy ache again and then had an accident and went to bed feeling crummy. He still didn't vomit, so I'm hoping tomorrow will be the turnaround day. I'm thinking he will be staying home from school tomorrow, too. Poor guy. I hate that he isn't feeling well, but I am SO THANKFUL that meningitis is not a likely outcome. I had about an hour of total panic yesterday after the doctor uttered that word.

I hope you all had a nice weekend! My head is spinning a bit after so much excitement. I want to see my heart moms again...I miss them. At the same time, I'm so happy to be home. I love my boys!

Thanks for checking in!

Climbing the mountain....slowly..

Today was a day of overwhelmedness for this mama. I'm heading out of town tomorrow..SOLO..so wrapping up a hundred loose ends has been a little bit stressful. It'll be worth it 24 hours from now! I'll report more about my trip after I get back. It is going to be a hugely momentous and awesome adventure! Something I will certainly never forget.

First, birthday party pics!

Isn't this so like Sammy to be a unique part of the picture? :)

I have a few things I wanted to write down before I leave town. The most exciting news is that I took Elijah in for his ENT follow-up today. Dr. L wanted to see how his hearing compared to six months ago and after his most recent ear surgery in July. His hearing test today revealed that the hearing in his left ear is even BETTER than it was six months ago! His left ear is now officially completely within the normal range. Amazing! Dr. L was literally stammering over his words. I don't think he said one entire complete sentence. What I heard: "This is...just...unbelievable. I am...stunned. Un. Believable. See you in six months." The outcome of this whole ear ordeal has been a HUGE answer to prayer. I will never ever forget the miracles that have happened to Elijah in this area.

A funny thing from the appointment today.. While he was getting his hearing test, the audiologist directed some white noise into his right ear while testing his left. Elijah stopped her and said, "Um, excuse me, but are you giving me challenging wind?" That's my boy!

Overall, we have been seeing gradual improvements with our oldest boy recently. He has been so much better about telling us details about his day (good or bad) and about expressing his feelings. He also can occasionally catch himself when he is doing something undesirable and he can express sincere apology more than ever before. A lot of the things that "they" tell us Elijah will never be able to do...he is starting to do. At 6:00 pm, when Dan walks in the door, he will remember that at 7:00 am Dan had a sore throat and he'll say, "Daddy, how are you feeling? How is your throat? I hope you are feeling better!" In Elijah-land, these things are a pretty huge deal.

Sleep recently has mostly been average to good. We have had very few "bad" nights recently, although Dan and I are still waking up early because we've been trained to do so. :) The end of daylight savings has been a blessing because we haven't had to change Elijah's internal clock, yet he's going to bed later and waking up later!

I think I forgot to mention Elijah's recent well visit with Dr. Judy. Everything looked fine, but she was surprised and disappointed that the ASD label had been thrown on him. She has never believed that it's a suitable label for him. I agree, but if it is helping him get the assistance he needs in school then I'm not against it. School has been going much better since he has been receiving more one-on-one support. We love his teachers. They work really hard to keep him happy and productive. I still don't feel like he is completely understood, but he is a tough one to understand!

I think I've covered what I've wanted for the week. You won't hear from me again until at least Sunday. Have a great weekend!

Snow play!

Still kickin'. I have been so behind in updating. You see, I have this problem. When time opens up for me I go right ahead and fill it up with thirty projects, all of which I want to finish NOW. I'm super excited about some personal projects I'm working on. I keep thinking about writing an update here and I get caught up in those other things.

This week Elijah had a "mostly on" week at school. He had his moments, but for the most part did fine according to his teacher. They have been able to get him more one-on-one help, which helps. He still doesn't have his own para, but we're working on it! His sleep has been up and down and up and down. It seems like every other night is ok and every other night is not ok. He gets SO TIRED in the evenings.

When Sammy and Elijah aren't fighting like brothers do, they are loving each other! Their new favorite place to play (and cuddle) is behind the chair in our living room. It looks cozy back there!

We haven't been able to get out to play in the snow much this year because it has been so cold. One day this week it was snowing and NOT below zero, so we bundled up and made a small little snow-dude. Sammy named him Cutie. I think he names all of our snowmen Cutie.

Then I put the boys to work! And their most favorite part...hot chocolate afterward.

This morning my stepmom and I were able to go to Elijah's classroom to watch this week's Reader's Workshop. It was so cute. Elijah did great! He followed along and read great!

I just remembered that I have pics to share from last weekend! We had family over to celebrate Elijah's 8th birthday. It was fun! Pics to come!

Rainbows and smileys

Hello! We are still alive! I have been immersing myself in personal projects, so I haven't made much time for this beloved blog. School for Elijah is going ok. He has "pretty good" days and some pretty rough ones still. At this point I am taking it one day at a time, trying very hard not to over-analyze or stress out. There seems to be absolutely no consistency with behavior/sleep patterns, which can make me crazy if I think about it too much. Sleep is still overall pretty rough, but we are continuing with the oils. Dan and I get by on so little sleep because we are basically awake for the day at 4:00 (sometimes earlier). I still have not heard back from Dr. M regarding another med recommendation. I haven't put a second call into him because I secretly don't want him to recommend anything else.

I feel like we've fallen into a good place during a rough stretch. Does that make sense? We have learned how to make the most of a sleepless/impatient/stressful time. We are doing fine. Tired, but fine. We have each other and tons of love and faith. Thank you so much for peeking in! It means so much to us!

I have saved up a few Sammy funnies from the past week..

Sam is so good at thinking through things ahead of time. There was a coloring sheet of a rainbow that he had colored at the club a couple times. The next time he was there, they were out of that particular sheet. So the next day at home he sat down with a black sharpie and drew the outline of a rainbow on a white piece of paper. Then he brought that "coloring sheet" with us to the club and colored it while he was there. I thought that was impressive!

Another thing he likes to do is take band-aids from the box, draw hearts or smiley faces or rainbows on them...and put them back in the box! He told me his drawings will make owies heal much faster. :)

Driving through the grocery store parking lot, Sammy said, "Mommy, go faster! Speed makes me come alive!"

Other Sammy quotes: "If you don't give me whatever I want, my heart will explode!"
"Will you do me a huge favor, Mommy? Will you please take away the whole world?"

He is constantly worried about things he does not need to be worrying about. I field at least 100 questions/day about "bad guys." He wants to know if bad guys were bad kids? Do bad guys watch us through our windows? Can good kids turn into bad guys? Can bad kids turn into good guys? What would I do if a bad guy tried to steal him? Could a bad guy get in our house through our windows? Where do bad guys live? What is prison like? What kinds of food do bad guys eat in jail? Are their beds comfortable? Seriously...and that is just one topic. Other topics of choice: tornadoes and car crashes.

Needless to say, our front door is ALWAYS locked. He asks me a bunch throughout the day, "Is our door locked?" and then runs to check it.

Sammy: What happens if my foot turns purple?
Me: Then your foot probably needs blood. 
S: What if it doesn't get blood?
Me: Then you could lose your foot. 
S: .......
Me: Having feet is important, right?
S: No-ight. (a new, creative version of "no-kay")
Me: Sammy, you are the funniest person I know.
S: You don't know me! I live in Russia.

Happy 8th birthday, Elijah Daniel!

Today was a strange, happy, tearful day. Little bouts of crying surprised me a handful of times when I would think about Elijah turning eight. On one hand, I feel like the past eight years have lasted 20 years. On the other hand, I can't believe our oldest boy is EIGHT!

This boy. His beautiful, smart, funny little self has transformed me into a kinder, more faithful and patient person. He has added a great deal of color, richness and depth to our family. Dan, Sammy and I love him to pieces. We would not be the same without him!

Happy 8th birthday, Elijah Daniel! You are a LOVED little person! I can't wait to experience many many MANY more years with you.

Waterpark Adventure 2015

I'm feeling a need to get this post done tonight because tomorrow I will be writing about a certain 8-year-old's birthday!

Our fifth annual waterpark trip was a smashing success. Dan and I both agreed that we managed our time better than ever before and we ALL enjoyed ourselves, even more than in past years. This was the first year that Sammy truly enjoyed himself. It was fun to see.

Here is the photo I take every year upon first entering the hotel/waterpark. The boys love to run to the windows to peek into the waterpark and get a glimpse of the "big bucket" and all of the action. This year we found that the windows had been frosted, so the boys had to peek through the cracks.

The first few minutes in our room are always SO EXCITING!!!!

Annual photo with Mama and boys in the top bunk!

Followed by....JUMPING ON THE BED! This year we talked Dan into joining us.

We spent an hour at the waterpark our first night. Both boys had a blast! Sammy willingly got into the water for the first time EVER!

I'm so proud of him. He stuck to a very specific area, but he went down the same slide about 100 times over the course of the weekend. Progress! A few times I tried to get him to extend his territory, but he resisted. I'll take it.

I always get photos of the post-waterpark bathers. It'll be so sad when they don't take baths together anymore! 

 I LOVE this cutie! Yikes, look at his tired mama..

Posing with the waterpark guys.

On our second day, Elijah literally RAN around the waterpark at full speed for hours on end. Dan and I could do nothing to get him to slow down, short of making him leave the place. Literally...he ran from the slides in the kiddie area to the big tube slide to the wave pool to the lazy river (with one of us following close behind)....repeat repeat repeat...without taking a breath. Toward the end of the day, Dan handed Elijah off to me and said, "Watch him!" I took one look at E and knew what he meant. He had worn himself out. He was totally exhausted and even felt sick to his stomach. He literally could hardly stand. I hadn't gotten many photos of him yet (and I always snap a few!), so I asked him to smile and pose since I knew these were our last moments there. After a dozen attempts, I got a smile..

Then he sat down in another area on the way out and after another dozen photos, I got another smile..

Then I realized I was being selfish and had Dan scoop him up and take him back to the hotel room. He was draped over Dan's shoulder like an exhausted baby! Poor guy. I got a partial smile..

We had dinner in our hotel room (a second-night tradition) and by that time Elijah was feeling much better. We headed down to the arcade for a bit of gaming fun! Both boys had a blast. Sammy keeps telling me that the 30 minutes we spent in that arcade were his favorite moments of the entire trip.

Elijah threw a ball into the teeny-tiny 1,000-point bucket in the tossing game (impossible feat), hence the celebrating..

Look! It's Sammy! Participating in games and not hiding behind a Pac-Man machine (yes, he really did that)!

We won BIG at Deal or No Deal! Hundreds of tickets, which earned us.. toy handcuffs (you can imagine how much we've loved THIS) and ring pops (which Sammy calls "Rain Pops").

A few more notable things about our adventure..

It was so much fun to watch Sammy (Elijah wasn't so interested in this) RUNNING through the hallways to get to the elevator, push the button and accomplish absolutely everything before his brother could.

I loved our family nap on our second day. It was a revitalizing intermission when Sammy watched a movie by himself while the rest of us slept like we were dead.

Trips to the ice machine! Who knew this could be sooo exciting?!

Elijah and I made a few trips down the "blue-tube-slide" together and WOW was it fast! I cannot believe how much that boy loves speed. It was a ton of fun, and each sliding experience was followed by a trip around the lazy river and then a jaunt in the wave pool.

Sammy insisted on wearing his goggles in his own Sammy way (of course). The straps folded his ears in half and hung at the bottom-back of his head. He swiped our hands away any time we tried to fix them and refused to take them off, even when they were completely fogged over.

As always, I LOVED our first hour in our hotel room. It was pure happiness and excitement for all of us. Elijah kept asking me, "Is this a dream?!" We all cherish this trip so much every year. On our way home, both boys whimpered constantly.. "I MISS OUR TRIP!" Me too, boys.. can't wait till next year!

Fluoxe-DONE

We got home from our yearly family waterpark adventure today. WE ARE TIRED. Despite the tiredness, we had probably the most enjoyable/fruitful time ever. This is our fifth year in a row taking this trip.

I'll report MUCH more on this in the next few days! I have photos to edit and memories to sort through..

In the meantime, Dan is cooking me a belated Valentine's dinner that smells delicious! I thought I'd write a quick update regarding medication. Per Dr. M's suggestion, we gave E a super low dose of fluoxetine for three consecutive days last week. His sleep didn't seem to be affected much, but he woke up looking EXHAUSTED. The purple eyelids and droopy/constantly-blinking eyes returned. I had a bad feeling in my gut about it just a few hours in.

Almost immediately after the first dose, I noticed that E had three new tics - super intense eye-blinking, an upward chin jerk and a head jerk to the left followed by eyes shooting straight up (I have never seen any of these tics before starting meds). As the days went on, the tics became more frequent and behavior went downhill. Dan and I quickly made the decision to stop the medication. Dr. M is out of town until Thursday of this week, so at that point we will discuss other options.

He took the smallest dose possible (0.5 mL/day) for only three days and was adversely affected. I am hesitant to try anything else! We feel like we're in a tough spot right now with his anxiety. I'm also looking into finding him an excellent cognitive behavioral therapist. We are continuing with the essential oils, although I am still skeptical. It isn't hurting, so we will press on..

I have so much to share about our fifth annual waterpark adventure! I love my three men so much! Thanks for checking in..

A week of newness

I feel like this past week has been packed with activity and new things. On Monday Elijah started back at school for the first time since mid-December (minus one day in January). He was sooooo super excited about going back. He was beginning to miss his teacher and friends. Things seem to be going well so far. His class went on a field trip today to a nature center. I went along and we had fun. It was freezing cold, but it was nice to do something different. Elijah did struggle a bit so I was glad I came along. All of the activity was hard for him to process, and the cold weather and all of the walking didn't help. It's good for him to push himself a bit in every capacity once in a while! I'm hoping he will sleep really well tonight.

I'll say this for the millionth time..his teacher is INCREDIBLE. She understood that I would not have resources to dedicate to other children, so I was not responsible for anyone except Elijah. This was super helpful, and I'll admit I almost didn't want to go on the field trip because of the traumatic field-tripping experiences from last year! The little girls in E's class LOVE him. It is so cute! There is one little girl who asked him to sit by her on both bus rides. She even snubbed one of her friends, grabbed onto E's hand and said, "Sorry, I'm sitting with Elijah!" They snuggled so cutely and closely (and innocently) that my heart almost melted. I chatted with this little girl a bit and she is just the sweetest thing. I thanked her for being so kind to Elijah and she said, "No problem. I like Elijah! He makes me smile." :)

E's teacher and I had a good chat on the bus ride to the nature center. I told her about recent developments and for the first time (maybe because we weren't sitting at a conference table with ten other people), I felt like she really understood. She just seemed to get it. She intimated that if we asked enough times, and articulated ourselves well enough, Elijah could probably get his very own aide. So I will start this process tomorrow. It would help him immensely to have someone with him at all times while at school.

On Monday I brought E to see Dr. M, his developmental pediatrician and one of the best doctors on the planet, in my opinion. He took tons of time with us and asked a lot of questions. He is another one of the GREATS who understands our boy through and through. He agreed with the recent thoughts of the new sleep doctor and thinks we should try anxiety meds. I always love the analogies he makes. He said that for Elijah, every little thing that happens is the straw that broke the camel's back. He heard my worries about E's sensitivities to meds, but urged us to at least consider it. As he said, if we can possibly find a good fit for him, it could muscle the weight of some of the other, many straws. So...Dr. M very carefully selected an anxiety med for E to try. Dan has been on board with trying something for a while, but I really wrestled with it. Starting yesterday we began giving him a super-duper small daily dose of fluoxetine. Now...we wait. Last night he slept better than we have EVER seen, but that could be just a fluke. Who ever knows?! Time will tell.

I brought Sammy to kindergarten registration last night! It is sooo hard to believe my sweet baby boy will be going to school next year. :( I was pleased and somewhat surprised that he entered the building willingly (by the way, he has stopped getting into the pool for swim lessons). He seemed excited about the idea of being in the same school as Elijah next year. We stopped in a few classrooms, one of them (the above pic) was the class I am really hoping he will be in next year. Elijah had Mrs. H in kindergarten and she is incredible!

I'll end with a few cute things..

A few weeks ago I decided that these boys need to earn their technology time. No more just handing it out willy nilly! Each boy needs to earn FIVE "chore points" in order to earn 15 minutes of technology (iPad is usually their pick). Chore points can be earned by feeding the fish, taking out garbage/recycling, getting completely dressed with no help or complaining, helping with meals, cleaning up toys, etc. I've never had such a clean house! Elijah is even willing to dust our entire TV stand for a chore point. Win-win! Sammy is Mr. Helper lately with meals. He wants to help prepare all meals and he fills up his and Elijah's plates with food and brings them to the table with pride.

Any time I ask Sam, "Okay, Sammy?" he will say, "NO-kay," if he does not agree. :)

There's so much more, but my brain is tired! More later!

Cavities be gone

Sammy and I had a "date" this morning. We went to the dentist! Super fun! He was very afraid and I worried he would do what I did when I was his age...refuse to open his mouth. Yes, I did this and I ended up in the hospital to have a tiny cavity filled. Thankfully Sammy was not quite as extreme as his mama. He was the bravest little boy. He cooperated 100% and pushed through some big fears. I was so proud of him! He was proud, too. The cavity is gone and will NOT come back as long as he is under my roof! :)

Elijah and Dan also had a dentist date this afternoon to remove a cavity and that didn't go quite as smoothly. He has legitimate fears about "the mask," which is just laughing gas but to him it is the same mask he sees right before surgery. Dan said he was anxious throughout the entire visit, so they turned up the gas to help calm him down. The extra gas made him tired and grumpy, understandably. He just about fell asleep during story time, which never happens...not even on the really tired days.

Elijah showed signs of sickness today, which has me on croup alert. We gave him a tiny dose of preventative steroids, rubbed some oils on his feet and he was OUT. Speaking of oils, we are still experimenting. His sleep patterns are different, but he still doesn't ever seem entirely rested. He has been sleeping until after 5:00 every morning (wow!), but he still has nights when he is awake for long stretches in the middle of the night. The 5:00 wake-up times are pretty nice, though! I am still learning about essential oils and what each one does. I am skeptical, but I remain hopeful that we can find a good recipe that actually helps him. Stranger things have happened!

I took E to see a new sleep doctor a few weeks ago. This doctor is INCREDIBLE. I put Dr. R in the same group as the rest of the excellent doctors we have. We talked for an entire hour and at the end of the visit he gave one of the most perfect descriptions of Elijah that I've ever heard. I appreciate top-notch doctors immensely! His conclusion: We are doing everything POSSIBLE to get Elijah rest. There really is nothing more we can do as his parents aside from getting his anxiety under control. He suggested trying an anxiety med, just like Dr. M has been suggesting for the past year. I have not been in favor of the idea only because of E's super sensitivity to ANY medication. At this point, though, I am willing to give it a try. We have an appointment with Dr. M next week, so we'll address anxiety with him. Our sweet boy is constantly anxious, even when he is lying in his comfy bed with his heavy blanket draped over him in his dark bedroom that smells so good. We just have to relieve some of that  anxiety for him. As Dr. R said, every little thing we do for him helps by tiny increments. We need something that is going to help him in a big way so that he can function and sleep! Please pray with us about this. Medication is a big step and I feel uneasy (yet hopeful) about it.

Homebound instruction has gone pretty well. Elijah generally has done so much better with his tutors (who were AMAZING) than he does with me. He had a few rough sessions, but most of them were productive overall. He will return to school on Monday. He is super excited about going back. We are praying so hard that there will be a positive change in behavior and overall experience at school!

As I said in my last post, I have begun trying to embrace everything we face, no matter what, instead of fighting. Difficulties have shaped me into a better person and that is more clear than ever right now. I can feel all of us being molded into better humans every day.

I'll end with a letter one of Elijah's classmates wrote to him this week. Could anything possibly be any sweeter? :)

Warmly hugging challenges

I have sat down a few times in the past few days to write a post, but it just hasn't felt right. Anything that is going on in our lives, good or otherwise, seems so insignificant when I think of my friend whose heart is aching because she wants to hold her son again. One thing Isaac's passing has taught me is that there are so many things I obsess about that either really don't matter or that cannot be changed. Worrying about the things that aren't going MY way is pointless! I have made an effort in the past week to truly appreciate every day and moment, even if it is challenging. I envision myself wrapping my arms around whatever challenge I am facing and smiling at it and even thanking it.

It still feels wrong to talk about anything that is going on in our lives. It's too soon. We are good. We have each other, we are all healthy, we have a warm home, comfy beds and food in the pantry. I really couldn't ask for more than that.

More later!

A great loss.

I have been crying for most of the day because I cannot wrap my head around the fact that our sweet little heart friend Isaac has suddenly entered Heaven's gates. I met Isaac's mom Kathy way back when I first started this blog. We made an immediate connection and have even traveled across the country a handful of times to see each other. Isaac was born just a month after Elijah and had the same heart defect Elijah has. The last time we saw Isaac was in July 2013 when we went on our whirlwind road trip. We spent four cherished days with the Rollers in Dallas at another wonderful heart family's home. I will cherish those memories forever. None of us had any idea that it would be the last time we would see our snuggly, sweet little Isaac. He was such a lovable boy. I have been in disbelief all day. I can't believe he is gone.

He had a high fever over the weekend, so his parents brought him to the hospital. An infection had gone into his heart. :( They put him on a ventilator and told his family that he wouldn't make it through the night. He passed away a few hours later.

Isaac is the snuggly cutie on the right..

Please pray with us for peace and healing for Isaac's family. They are the absolute sweetest, kindest people on the planet and I want to completely cover them in prayer. I have also set up a campaign for them so they will not have to worry about money during this difficult time. If it is on your heart, please visit the following link and consider making a donation.

https://mymfunding.com/campaign/TheRollerFamily

Life is so fragile and precious. Make the most of every single day. You just never know..

Facing the storm

I am very cautiously composing this post. We have had some rough stretches in the past few days, but overall Elijah's sleep and behavior have improved since we started incorporating essential oils into our lives. I was a skeptic! I still am! Ha! Maybe it's just a fluke and his brain is finally catching up or maybe the oils really are helping or maybe all of the above. But check out last night's sleep record..

He slept from6:15p-4:30a with very little interruption. AMAZING! I can't even tell you the last time I've seen anything close to this. Today his demeanor was calmer and more agreeable overall. Again, we had our moments, but there was a notable change for the better. I am praying for more of this! Please, Lord!

We currently have an interim pastor stepping in at church and...I LOVE HIM. Ok, I don't really love him, but for the past three weeks his messages have spoken to me in a very unique and meaningful way. One of the things he said yesterday that struck a chord was that sometimes when we are in a storm we need to just stand firm. Face the storm head on. ENDURE it. Don't try to run. Understand that it is part of the journey. Don't complain. Pray, yes, but have faith that it will end and that much will be gained. I have a renewed perspective to do just that. I do believe that this journey we are on serves a greater purpose and that the timing I desire is NOT always what is best. So I have made a pact to myself and to God that I will embrace the struggles we are facing. They are shaping all of us into the people we are meant to be! This is one of my favorite Bible verses..

Romans 5:3-5  “ Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.  And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.”

Dan didn't have school (uhh, work) today, so I was able to get out of the house alone for a bit and it was wonderful. I met a friend for coffee to start the day and I felt like a new woman! I brought Elijah to his second skills therapy session this afternoon and that went great. Homebound schooling (not to be confused with homeschooling) continues this week and next and hopefully after that he will be ready to return to school! Tomorrow morning I will bring E to an appointment with a NEW sleep doctor. I'm excited to hear his thoughts. Thanks for checking in!

My brave little swimmer!

Dan has been out of town this weekend, so the little boys and I have been kickin' it. I have been experimenting with our new essential oils and...I hate to be too hopeful but I think they might be helping. Elijah's sleep pattern has been different for the past few nights. He has longer stretches and he has not been awake for more than an hour and a half at a stretch. Overall, his behavior today was better than I've seen it in many months. Hopeful!!

The boys both started swim lessons this morning. Sammy started refusing to put his swim trunks on, so I had to bribe him with candy. Once we were at the pool, he said, "I'm NEVER getting in that pool!" I ignored it and when it came time to get in, he was very hesitant...BUT HE DID IT! It helped that his brother was just a few feet from him. Here he is jumping in the pool! Wow! (sorry the video is sideways..)

My two swimming cuties!

A year ago, he never would have gotten this far. Look at my little Sammy! 

Elijah is in the background with his teacher and Sammy is on the left with his..

Look at those kicks!

Sam was so cute. Every time he got done swimming, he would look over at me with a huge happy smile on his face. He would either give me two thumbs up or he would do the sign for "I love you." Not only did I get the I-love-you sign, but I got the DOUBLE I-love-you sign! I made sure to tell him how proud I was of him and he was sooo happy that he had given it his best effort. As we left the school he said, "I LOVE swim lessons! I love this place!" I'm so proud of my brave boy! I know that took a lot of courage for him.

Elijah has done a few rounds of swim lessons in the past few years and hasn't made a ton of progress, so we decided to put him in private lessons this round. He did great today! That boy LOVES being in the water.

That's all for now! Thanks for checking in!