A Letter to My Sweet Sammy

Dear Sammy,

Today isn't your birthday or any other special day. It's just a random rainy day in September and you happen to be on my mind. I visited your first grade classroom this morning and it always surprises me how excited I get when I see you. I had dropped you off at school only thirty minutes before, yet seeing your sweet self reading a book on the carpet was the highlight of my morning.

I always tell you how lucky I feel to be your mom and the other day when I said that, you replied in a typical thoughtful Sammy way: "If someone else was my mom, would you be jealous?" I totally would. I know I'm partial because I am your mom, but I'm grateful that I get to be around you so much because it's just so nice. Not only are you deliciously cute, you are also thoughtful, considerate, kind, complimentary, sweet, creative, clever, funny, witty, smart and snuggly.

Sometimes you will use a word that is well beyond your years or you will say something so thoughtful that I can hardly believe it just came out of your mouth. A few days ago you asked me to solve the math problem 1+1. When I said "two," you said, "Nope! The answer is Jesus, know why? Because Jesus is always the answer." Then last night you began worrying about tornadoes because this is something you worry about a lot (proof that you're my son). You asked me if there were a tornado nearby, would you be able to grab a few favorite things before finding safety? Then you said, "No, never mind. I won't need to grab anything because Jesus is all I'll need." I love that these truths are in the forefront of your mind and that they comfort you.

I want you to know what a gift you are, Sammy. Not just to me, your lucky mama, but to so many people. You are a good son, brother, student, grandson, friend, cousin and nephew. You light up everyone's life with your thoughtful words, cute lisp and generous snuggles. You complete your brother, just as he completes you. You and Elijah complement each other in such a special and unique way. Even teachers at school notice it. Yes, you have your daily "brotherly" moments, but I absolutely love the bond the two of you share. It is precious, rare and so wonderful.

I know you sense that sometimes Elijah needs extra attention from Daddy and me. Instead of getting upset about this, you help us out. There are times when you offer help and there are times when just being a good boy is the most helpful thing. I notice your patience and grace and I want to make sure you know that we see that.

For your entire life, you've been coming along to your brother's various appointments and therapies and you've never complained about sitting in another waiting room or taking another ride in the car. I think you've always known deep down that this is just how things are meant to be for our family. I want you to know that you are just as important as anyone else, Sammy. Elijah needs things that you don't, but you also need different things that he doesn't.

You are LOVED. Jesus loves you so much, Sammy. Daddy, Elijah and I adore you and you are Buddy's favorite pack-mate. You are a gem of a little boy and it's so much fun watching you grow into the person God has in mind for Sammy. I love you, sweet boy!

Love, Mom

Slopes and snuggles

One week of 2016 is done! My week started off a bit rocky after catching Sammy's little sickness and also struggling getting back into the swing of things. After two weeks free of a schedule and a totally crazy holiday month, it was almost like I was experiencing Holiday PTSD. The week improved and we are getting back into the groove. By WE I mean ME because everyone else in my family seemed to bounce back without a problem! :)

Elijah is now officially a snowboarder! I signed him up for Courage Kenny's adaptive skiing/snowboarding program and so badly wanted to get him into skiing. I started skiing when I was a kid and I always envisioned my boys skiing young, too. The only openings available were for snowboarding, but I signed him up anyway. Guess what! The location they placed him at is THE SAME ski resort where I learned to ski as a kid. As I stalked Elijah and his instructors today, I discovered that he was learning how to snowboard on the EXACT same hill I learned to ski on. I couldn't help but get nostalgic and a little emotional. It's so crazy how things work out! Who would have ever thought.

I was worried that Elijah would be anxious about snowboarding, even though he seemed pretty excited about it beforehand. He did way better than I ever could have imagined. He liked having a hand helping him most of the time, but toward the end of the lesson (in the FREEZING cold) he went hands-free for a few seconds both on the way down the hill and on the "magic carpet" ride up. He was so genuinely excited about today and the progress he made. Eventually they will get him on a chair lift and possibly use a tether rope to help get him down some bigger hills. I'm so proud of him for being adventurous and willing to try new things!

I've been working on Sammy. Every time I ask him if he would like to ski with me he screams NOOOOOOO! Now that I've got Elijah on the slopes, I may just have to trick him. Sorry, sweetie, but you'll thank me later. He has started saying this week that he wants to learn how to ice skate, so I'm going to leap on that and get that boy in skates!

Dan left town for work today and will be gone through Wednesday, so the boys and I have some quality time on our hands. Today we got home from Afton and Sammy and I both CRASHED. Hard. Shockingly, Elijah (who should have been the most tired of all of us) stayed awake for an entire Curious George special. After that was a very snuggly pizza-movie night where Sammy kept insisting, "SNUGGLE ME HARDER, MOMMY!"

That Sammy. I still call him Sweet and Sassy (like the bbq sauce) because is the SWEETEST boy, but can also be the SASSIEST boy. He pushes his little limits and can get so upset when we stand firm with rules. It's like he can't help getting so worked up and mad about being told what to do and does/says things that go against his sweet nature. After a bit of time, he always feels bad and asks for snuggles. "Mommy, I'm moving to the other side of the planet! Please snuggle me!" :)

Elijah had a GREAT week at school, yay! Our new med dose was a good call and the transition time occurred over break...just in time for school, which was perfect. He got "great" reports every day this week. His teachers said that he was engaged and stayed on task and had a great attitude all week.

That's all for now! Have a great rest of your weekend and thank you for stopping in!

Second week of school...success!

The second week of school is done! Both boys have been doing great. Sammy has been dutifully picking up litter in his classroom, just as he does everywhere we go. :) Elijah has been continuing to show maturity this week, which is in my opinion in HUGE part to meds. Being used to the way things were last year, I find that I brace myself in certain situations only to find that I can relax. Example: homework! He and I have sat down three times together so far this school year and completed BIG math sheets with at most one mild complaint. Last year there would have been 50 complaints and he would have scribbled over and eventually crumpled up the paper. As was the case during the summer, his threshold seems to be so much bigger. He can handle a full day of school and therapy and homework and not be totally overwhelmed. PRAYING this continues!

I took E to see Dr. M (developmental ped) this week and he was happy to hear how Elijah was responding to the meds. He told me that just observing him in the office he seemed calmer and less distracted. We are going to try a VERY tiny dosage increase in a few weeks. We are also continuing with talk/skills therapy and Dr. M was on board with everything we are doing. We are also having someone come to our home on Monday to do an assessment for in-home skills/behavioral therapy. I'm feeling super hopeful about this because so much of what Elijah needs assistance with occurs in our home and typically in the late afternoon/evening. In addition to being his LUCKY mom, I am also his behavioral/social skills coach and it would be SO helpful to get some help with this!

And of course that's not all! :) Elijah's urethral surgery is scheduled for next Friday, but Dr. R asked that we have pre-op done a week in advance in order to get results from his urinalysis in time. Today I got a call from his primary doctor with the news that Elijah's preliminary cultures showed that he has a UTI! Today we started him on a 10-day course of antibiotics and that likely will push surgery back by a bit (we'll know for sure on Monday).

It's always something, but I want to say that the constant "action" in our lives does not bring us down. Aside from HATING the pain and anxiety Elijah has to constantly endure, we do remember that THIS IS OUR JOURNEY (not just Elijah's, but OURS..we're always right there with him). It's useless to fight what God has in store for us. If we did, we'd be miserable!

I was able to spend a bit of time in Sammy's classroom this week and it was so much fun to see him in that setting. He is thriving and growing and doing so well. I am so proud of my sweet boy! He has been a bit more tired than usual, but he has eagerly gotten onto the bus every morning and hasn't complained about a thing. He adores his sweet teacher (she is the BEST!) and talks kindly about his new friends. He literally has not said a single negative thing about school.

Today we made our yearly trip to the corn maze as a family and we had so much fun! It was our warmest year to date. I of course have tons of photos to share. Next post! Thanks for reading!

Cavities be gone

Sammy and I had a "date" this morning. We went to the dentist! Super fun! He was very afraid and I worried he would do what I did when I was his age...refuse to open his mouth. Yes, I did this and I ended up in the hospital to have a tiny cavity filled. Thankfully Sammy was not quite as extreme as his mama. He was the bravest little boy. He cooperated 100% and pushed through some big fears. I was so proud of him! He was proud, too. The cavity is gone and will NOT come back as long as he is under my roof! :)

Elijah and Dan also had a dentist date this afternoon to remove a cavity and that didn't go quite as smoothly. He has legitimate fears about "the mask," which is just laughing gas but to him it is the same mask he sees right before surgery. Dan said he was anxious throughout the entire visit, so they turned up the gas to help calm him down. The extra gas made him tired and grumpy, understandably. He just about fell asleep during story time, which never happens...not even on the really tired days.

Elijah showed signs of sickness today, which has me on croup alert. We gave him a tiny dose of preventative steroids, rubbed some oils on his feet and he was OUT. Speaking of oils, we are still experimenting. His sleep patterns are different, but he still doesn't ever seem entirely rested. He has been sleeping until after 5:00 every morning (wow!), but he still has nights when he is awake for long stretches in the middle of the night. The 5:00 wake-up times are pretty nice, though! I am still learning about essential oils and what each one does. I am skeptical, but I remain hopeful that we can find a good recipe that actually helps him. Stranger things have happened!

I took E to see a new sleep doctor a few weeks ago. This doctor is INCREDIBLE. I put Dr. R in the same group as the rest of the excellent doctors we have. We talked for an entire hour and at the end of the visit he gave one of the most perfect descriptions of Elijah that I've ever heard. I appreciate top-notch doctors immensely! His conclusion: We are doing everything POSSIBLE to get Elijah rest. There really is nothing more we can do as his parents aside from getting his anxiety under control. He suggested trying an anxiety med, just like Dr. M has been suggesting for the past year. I have not been in favor of the idea only because of E's super sensitivity to ANY medication. At this point, though, I am willing to give it a try. We have an appointment with Dr. M next week, so we'll address anxiety with him. Our sweet boy is constantly anxious, even when he is lying in his comfy bed with his heavy blanket draped over him in his dark bedroom that smells so good. We just have to relieve some of that  anxiety for him. As Dr. R said, every little thing we do for him helps by tiny increments. We need something that is going to help him in a big way so that he can function and sleep! Please pray with us about this. Medication is a big step and I feel uneasy (yet hopeful) about it.

Homebound instruction has gone pretty well. Elijah generally has done so much better with his tutors (who were AMAZING) than he does with me. He had a few rough sessions, but most of them were productive overall. He will return to school on Monday. He is super excited about going back. We are praying so hard that there will be a positive change in behavior and overall experience at school!

As I said in my last post, I have begun trying to embrace everything we face, no matter what, instead of fighting. Difficulties have shaped me into a better person and that is more clear than ever right now. I can feel all of us being molded into better humans every day.

I'll end with a letter one of Elijah's classmates wrote to him this week. Could anything possibly be any sweeter? :)

Brotherly love

I heard this coming from the backseat today on our way home from Ikea: "Elijah, will you hold my hand?" I turned around to see the sweetest brotherly love. I love my boys! 

We finally got Sammy a big-boy bed! We'll put it together tomorrow so he can say goodbye to the crib he has been sleeping in for 3.5 years! He keeps saying, "I am NOT a baby! I am a BIG BOY!" Yes you are, sweet boy.

Elijah had a much more alert day today after being free of the Valium. He is still super wobbly when walking, but he is definitely doing better than yesterday. Each new day brings amazing progress! I have some worries about some things his eyes are doing, but I'll share about that later to avoid comments from the peanut gallery (unwarranted comments make me anxious).

Dan and I were able to get out of the house ALONE tonight for a bit, thanks to our amazing friend and babysitter Sam. She watched the boys for free so we could have a few hours to ourselves. We are so happy Sam is pursuing her dreams in college, but we miss her tremendously. No one compares to her. She has such a special bond with both of our boys and we are very grateful that she is a part of our lives!

Thanks for checking in! Wishing you all the very best this week!

And somehow Sammy turns two-and-a-half

Since tomorrow Sammy will officially be two-and-a-half years old, I figured I would dedicate an entire post to him and all that he is up to these days!

If I say to him, "Sammy, you are silly!" he responds, "No I'm not, I'm FUNNY!"

He now pronounces Elijah's name "Ee-YA-JA!" We hear this a. lot.

Breakfast is "beh-biss"
Spoon is "foon" (Elijah thinks this is hilarious and often says, "Sammy, will you please say 'spoon'?")
Peanut butter is "pee-dee butter"

His little voice is the absolute sweetest, cutest thing. We often have complete strangers comment on how cute it is. It's low and sometimes it cracks. And his lisp pushes it over the top of total cuteness. "Thammy wanth thum milk, Mama!" Oh man. Who would have thought hearing a regular old sentence could make me melt?

When I am bent over cleaning milk or food off the floor (often), Sammy likes to climb up on my back and scream, "MOMMYYYYY MOUNTAAAIIINNN!" At this point I grab his arms and stand up and make a lap through the house. Then I deposit him onto the couch. "'gain, MAMA!" Then Elijah asks for two turns. Then I am tired.

We have learned how to "work around" Sammy's intense independence. For example, we finally have him willingly taking baths! We started putting Elijah in the bath and not saying a word to Sam. After 5 bath times or so, he finally starting approaching the bath all by himself. Then he started asking to get in. Now he gets in when Elijah does. Victory and a clean two-year-old! We have figured out how to make diaper and clothing changes easier, too-we give him control. "Sammy, which rug should we change your diaper on?" "Do you want Mommy or Daddy to change your clothes?" Works (almost) every time. He is so fiercely fiercely independent.

Bedtime has to be all on his terms, too. He has to walk upstairs by himself (me behind him). He has to turn on the fan himself, and then throw first Baloo the Bear into his crib, followed by Cowwy the stuffed cow. Then he has to climb up onto the bottom part of the railing, all on his own, of course. At that point I can lift him into bed.

When he meets someone new and feels comfortable enough to talk, the first thing he usually says is, "Look at my shoes!" Then he runs through all of our ages. "Sammy is two! Elijah is five! Daddy is thirty-three! Mommy is thirty-seven!"

He is such a precious, smart little boy. He is funny and cute and I love smooching on his soft little sweet neck. He is the best sleeper, his giggle is the BEST, he does not like to eat anything we put before him and he loves to wear his sunglasses all the time (to be like his bro, I think). We all love him so much! Happy 2 1/2, Sammy!

Thank you for checking in! Have a great week. xo

A random post

I have a bunch of things in my brain to get down. They are random, so bear with me!

Here are a few photos from tonight. Elijah insisted on wearing his Superman costume from last fall. I couldn't believe how small it was on him! He seriously has grown so much in the past year.

In the above photo you will see Sammy with a toolbox and a boat. He loves to carry these around and pretend he is Handy Manny. "Hi Mama! I Ammy Ammy!" Then I say, "Hi Manny, Hi Tools!" and he asks me to fix a toy and we go through the whole scenario from the show. This boy is the cutest.

Elijah's eye appointment went well on Tuesday. The vision in his left eye is now 20/30. In January it was 20/400. The glasses and patching have done wonders! We are going to begin weaning him off the patches, so for the next 3 months we will have him wear it for 10 hours/week (down from 15). Eventually we are hoping that he won't even have a need for glasses, but this probably won't happen until he is around 10 years old.

Our car died this week, so the boys and I have spent some time at home that normally would have been spent out of the house. Luckily I have a generous, kind cousin and friend who is a car mechanic and who came over to replace my battery while Dan was working today. Thank you, Trevor! We love you!

I don't think I mentioned that Elijah got a second infected spider bite on one of his legs a few weeks ago that required another round of antibiotics. This week he got a double ear infection, and this morning he woke up with another infected bug bite (mosquito?) on his finger. I considered walking him to the doctor this afternoon before our car was running, but Dan talked me out of that one (thank you, Hubby). If it still looks bad in the morning, we will head to the doctor then. I don't know what it is with that boy and bug bites!

I have mentioned Sammy's fierce independence many times. It has suddenly reached new heights. We are now to the point where he won't even allow anyone to read him a book! "MY DO IT!" Ok, goodness, Sam. I can barely do a single thing for that boy without hearing, "MY DO IT!"

Elijah has been working through the concept of death lately. He asks questions about it all the time, which I think is a healthy thing to explore. I have told him about 100 times not to put his hands around Sammy's neck because he could hurt him to the point of losing him forever. So he will ask, as we are lying in bed together before nap-time, "If I squeeze too hard, you would die?" "It's possible!" "If you died, you would go to heaven?" "Yes." "And if you go to heaven, you will take your phone?" "No, no phones are allowed in heaven." "Well how would I talk to you then?" :) Tonight while we were eating dinner he asked me what city heaven was in and whether the fly I had just killed had gone to heaven. Good questions!

Speaking of naps, I have been giving them to Elijah more frequently lately. At noon, after he has hit his brother three times and told me to "shush" twice, I feel like the boy needs sleep. Mostly, though, I adore that time with him. When we lay down for a nap together (yes, I always lay down with him), all bad behavior goes out the window. He oozes with total sweetness as he wraps his little arms around my neck super tight. If my arms and legs are not totally wrapped around his body, he asks me to "pwease hug me tighter!" Then he scoots his little body as close to mine as he can, and he whispers the kindest, sweetest things in my ear as he falls asleep. "Mama, you are so sweet and kind and beautiful!" I have also been described as "fresh, pretty, lovely and respect-uh-mul (respectful)." The words are always positive. At least I think "fresh" is meant to be positive! I cherish these moments more than I could ever explain. I know they will not last forever.

That's all I can think of for now. More later! Thanks for checking in! xo

Movie-popcorn night pics and a sick Sammy

This is one of the cutest things I've seen in a while. Brothers sharing a bowl of popcorn!



These pictures were taken a few days ago when Sammy was feeling much better! Today he is a sick little guy. I thought we had gotten his fever under control last night before bed, but he was up talking in his bed at 8:45p which is highly unusual for him. I checked on him and he was totally burning up. I took his temp and it was at 105.2!! Oh my goodness that was scary. After talking to an ER nurse a few different times, I decided to treat him at home with Motrin and Tylenol. Dan's mom came over since I thought I might need to take him to the hospital, and we were up until 11:00p doing everything we could to cool Sam down. We got his temp down to 100.5 before putting him back to bed. I checked on him every hour (or more) throughout the night and he stayed pretty cool. At 5:00a I took his temp and he was back up to 104. So here we sit, after another round of meds, and only able to get that temp down to 101.5. We will be heading to the doctor in a bit here. More later...

Shedding sickness

In case you're wondering, never EVER wonder out loud why you haven't caught the bug that has been running through your childrens' daycare. 'Cause guess what? You will catch the bug that has been running through your childrens' daycare. I was in quite a bit of discomfort for about 36 hours this week. I did a lot of resting during that time, which apparently my body needed.

Enough about sickness. Let's talk about the beautiful weather! Ohhhh, it has been so gorgeous this week. FINALLY. We have been taking daily trips to the park and it is Elijah's absolute most favorite part of the day. When we wake up in the morning: "Mommy, can we go green park?" And when I pick him up from daycare: "We go to green park now??" He is so proud of himself because he can finally go down the big green twisty slide ALL BY HIMSELF. This is a pretty big deal for our cautious Elijah. I'm so proud of him and I love seeing his happy, excited face.

Sammy has an intense love for anything resembling a ball. He can spot a ball from a block away. "BAAA! BAAA!" When he gets a hold of it, he tosses it up in the air and watches it fall in front of him. Repeat a dozen times. Elijah never cared for balls, so this is new for us and it is so stinkin' cute. And Sam, oh Sam, he still just loves to be in Mama's (or Daddy's) arms ALL THE TIME. He certainly loves human touch!

One quick cute/sweet Elijah thing and then I'll sign off. Enjoy the weekend, everyone!

I usually go into Elijah's room at least once during the night because he has either had a bad dream or he wants a sip of water or he just wants to show us who is in charge. :) At 2:00 this morning I heard him say, "I WANT MOMMY!" I went in and asked if he was ok. He said, "Yeah. Mom, pwease scwatch mine hair." Awwwwww! He wanted me to run my fingers through his hair like I do all the time when he is falling asleep. So of course I did.

I love my boys.

A couple cute moments to remember

In anticipation of my dad's side of the family's Family Reunion this coming weekend, I was looking through last year's photos from the same reunion and found this beautiful boy..




A couple quick stories from last night..

Elijah was "working" at his work bench outside, sawing things with his "aw," as I sat in a chair on the patio watching him play. He looked up at me suddenly and said, "Dada?" and then he offered me his hand and said, "Ock!" This is translated to: "Where is Daddy? Here, help me walk (ock!) so we can go find him." So I grabbed his hands and helped him walk over to the front door. He peered into the living room and called "Dada?" again, but Dan didn't answer. Elijah said, "Dada? Odge! (garage)" so we headed over to the gate at the edge of the patio so he could peek around into the garage. Dan wasn't there either, so I suggested maybe he was somewhere inside. Elijah told me "ock!" again, so we walked into the house as he continued to call for Dan. I said, "I think he might be in the kitchen!" so Elijah walked quickly toward the kitchen and started to giggle because he was so excited to find Dan. And in standard Elijah fashion, he was so happy upon seeing Dan (even though he had spent most of the day with him) that he erupted into silly excited squeals and giggles.

It was the cutest thing. The communication thing is very new for us, so it is exciting when Elijah tells us who or what he wants. Yesterday's quest for Dan was so sweet. His sweet little voice calling Daddy's name, his unbalanced steps scurrying around, his eagerness to see his daddy..

Then later, after Elijah's bath, I asked him if he wanted to go downstairs and watch a little Thomas the Train on tv before bed. Of course he got excited and started to sign PLEASE repeatedly. To make this sign, you rub the palm of your hand in a circular motion on your chest. So when I picked Elijah up to go downstairs he was still signing please, and then he reached over and signed it on my chest. I guess that must have meant pretty please?

Screeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeecchhhh

It's funny how perspectives and personal styles and perceptions of the world around us change over time. For the first time in a long long time, I dug down into the bowels of this blog and read a lot of the entries surrounding Elijah's birth and first surgery, both of which were about two years ago. I was reading through it as if someone else had written it, and I was so super annoyed by the writer. I kept thinking, who is this annoying woman? I used such cheesy, dumb words and phrases, weird punctuation, totally incorrect medical terminology (while acting like I knew what I was talking about), and everything was the most dramatic thing in the world. So, thank you, friends and family, for enduring the annoying writings of Megan and for sticking with us through that. I hope I am no longer like nails on a chalkboard. Actually, maybe I should be glad I am so annoyed by it. Maybe it just signifies positive change in myself. Or something like that.

There was a cute worthwhile thing I wanted to write about quick! Dan said he was listening to a song the other day at home that had the word "God" in it. After Elijah heard that word, he folded his hands in prayer. My heart turned into mush when Dan told me this.

Today is Friday! Have a great weekend!

Love

Dan and I witnessed the sweetest display of love yesterday..

I had an over-night work meeting on Tues-Wed, so I wasn't able to see Elijah all day or night on Tuesday. I got home on Wednesday in time to get him up from his nap. He is usually always super happy to see me when he wakes up, so I figured he would be extra happy since we hadn't seen each other in a day and a half. Instead, he was a little whiney and he wasn't his usual smiley self. Sometimes he gets like this if we don't let him have a few minutes of alone time in bed before getting him out. He must have needed just a few more minutes to himself.

I brought him into the loft and played with him and read him a book, but he still wasn't acting like himself. He laid down on his side facing away from me and started paging through a book. I said to Dan, "I feel like he's not happy to see me." Elijah IMMEDIATELY turned toward me and gave my leg a big hug, since it was the closest body part of mine to him. Then he reached eagerly at me, so I picked him up. He wrapped his arms so super tightly around my neck and buried his head in my hair. He stayed like that for a good ten seconds. The whole time, Dan and I were looking at each other with our mouths hanging open.

Not only did Elijah understand the meaning of the feelings I had expressed, but he knew exactly what he needed to do to make me feel better. Amazing! I love that kid.


p.s. Cough not gone, but getting better..

p.p.s. Elijah totally blew away his therapy evaluator last night when I told her the above story and when she saw that Elijah knows a lot of the letters of the alphabet. She said she was "amazed" by his receptive and retention skills and that he is above his age level in these categories. Speech is another story, but it's definitely coming along.