A year ago, the information we had received about Elijah's heart was just starting to sink in, and contractions and bedrest were unknowingly on the horizon. We were in an in-between stage that was actually somewhat peaceful. Now, we are in an in-between stage again: the aftermath of Surgery 1 has (mostly) worn off and Surgery 2 is on the horizon. The peacefulness isn't present this time around, though. The thought of handing my chubby, happy, "healthy" baby over to the surgeons for Round 2 makes me shudder. This time around, it's much more personal. Elijah has a personality and he can show his love for us and he's an actual PERSON, not just a pooping, eating blob of cuteness. In a way, I want that surgery to come fast so we can begin to move past it. In another sense, I don't ever want it to get here and I want to gather up my boys and flee to the Bahamas. But, that's not what is best for Elijah, and that's why we are dutifully and patiently waiting, with the big black cloud hanging over our heads. It's easy to say, well, just enjoy this time you have and don't think about it! I try, trust me, I try not to think too much about it, but that is much easier said than done. We ARE enjoying this time with our son, but that black cloud is always somewhere near, ready to storm all over me when I get weak.
On a much more uplifting note, Elijah is 10 months old today! He has been so fun lately and I thoroughly enjoy every moment I get to spend with him. We laugh constantly at the cute things he does and the funny sounds he makes. It's so fun getting to know this little person.
We have kept Christmas VERY simple this year in an attempt to focus on what is truly important to us. We have donated our Christmas money to the Children's Heart Foundation, in addition to getting Elijah a little something and a little something for each other. I would really like to instill in my son the idea that GIVING is much more important than receiving. In a lot of ways, I think the Christmas season gets completely out of control, with kids expecting gifts and getting more than their share of THINGS. I'd love for Elijah to understand that THINGS aren't what makes life important and Christmas isn't about getting presents.
I hope everyone is having a stress-free (ha!) and fun Christmas season! Love to you all...
6 comments:
You guys are amazing.....what a wonderful way to share Christmas as a family and with everyone around you. Always thinking of you, --luv, Kendis & Chris
Those feelings are shared by us heart parents. I especially can indentify with the fight between wanting things to be over and wanting more time - it is such a struggle. Praying for you guys and Merry Christmas!
Megan...
I hope you guys have a wonderful Christmas!!!
I felt the same way when we took Isaac back for his second surgery. Although I didn't want him to be a blueberry anymore...he didn't look THAT bad! But, you'll be glad and so relieved when the repairs are over!! (and you're just worrying about snotty noses and scraped knees!)
Take care!
Kathy
Hi there! I know that feeling of the black cloud lingering as well as the fear of handing over a baby that we now know and love so much...hang in there! Well, the kids told me today that they want to play in the snow...so maybe we should make a trip to cold MN! I just don't think my body can readjust to all the cold again.
Hope you have a wonderful Christmas!
Hugs,
Samantha
You are such an inspiration to me. I can only imagine the torture you go through sometimes, but that little man is just the cutest little fighter and what a relief that day will be when he comes through it like a champ.
Happy Holiday's to you and yours and happy 10 months munchkin!!
Merry Christmas you guys! I hope you have a wonderful holiday. Thinking of you as you approach the next step in your journey.
Love you all bunches!
Karla
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