A few months ago I shared with Sarah (my amazing heart mama friend who hosted us in Kentucky) that I would be turning 40 this month. She asked if I would be interested in getting a tattoo with her while we were in KY to commemorate the big birthday. Um, YES! She had an awesome idea for hers, so I began pondering what I wanted to get.
I don't think it's any secret that I spend a lot of my time and energy worrying about our oldest boy. Since Elijah has been born, I have been given a handful of promises that I need to constantly remind myself about. I KNOW that everything is going to be ok.. Elijah assured me of that the day he was born, the first time I saw him, through unspoken words. I looked at him and I knew. His dark eyes told me, "It's going to be ok, Mama!" I have also been given this promise through a few dreams which I have cherished every day since I had them. He is going to be ok. We are going to be ok.
But I am human and sometimes I get caught up in fear and consumed with worry. I shake myself and say, "The promises! Remember the promises!" It is sooo hard sometimes. I have always had the thought that I should tuck a piece of paper with a few of my favorite Bible verses in my pocket every single day. At first I thought I would get Hebrews 11:1 as a tattoo, as this is one of my go-to faith verses. Then I had an idea.
I searched through my photos and found a picture I had taken of Elijah's heart monitor minutes into his recovery after open heart surgery #2 (the big one). I traced his heartbeat from the monitor and and added a cross at the end. It's my reminder of Elijah's strength and steadfastness, combined with my faith in the promises God has given to me/us that we are going to survive this journey! I chose to put it in a place where I can see it often, and only a few weeks after having it I can say that it has already helped me. I LOVE IT.
A few people have said to me, "But what about a Sammy tattoo?!" And I reply with, "God gave me a natural Sammy tattoo!" It's true! Sammy and I have strangely similar (and very unique) birthmarks and I love this so much. Mine is on the side of my knee and Sammy's is on the side of his elbow. As a kid, I hated my birthmark, but now I LOVE it. It's another little special connection I have with my awesome Sammy Jammy. (Sammy's is on the left and mine is on the right.)
My boys have given me a three-day birthday extravaganza, involving time with the little boys, time alone, time with just Dan and time with all of my boys. Every moment has been filled with tons of love. My boys are the best! Today the four of us went to Valleyfair and had such a fun time. I have loved the past few days and even though 40 seems a little bit scary, I'm ready to tackle it. The decade of forty is going to be AWESOME.