On tattoos and turning 40

A few months ago I shared with Sarah (my amazing heart mama friend who hosted us in Kentucky) that I would be turning 40 this month. She asked if I would be interested in getting a tattoo with her while we were in KY to commemorate the big birthday. Um, YES! She had an awesome idea for hers, so I began pondering what I wanted to get.

I don't think it's any secret that I spend a lot of my time and energy worrying about our oldest boy. Since Elijah has been born, I have been given a handful of promises that I need to constantly remind myself about. I KNOW that everything is going to be ok.. Elijah assured me of that the day he was born, the first time I saw him, through unspoken words. I looked at him and I knew. His dark eyes told me, "It's going to be ok, Mama!" I have also been given this promise through a few dreams which I have cherished every day since I had them. He is going to be ok. We are going to be ok.

But I am human and sometimes I get caught up in fear and consumed with worry. I shake myself and say, "The promises! Remember the promises!" It is sooo hard sometimes. I have always had the thought that I should tuck a piece of paper with a few of my favorite Bible verses in my pocket every single day. At first I thought I would get Hebrews 11:1 as a tattoo, as this is one of my go-to faith verses. Then I had an idea.

I searched through my photos and found a picture I had taken of Elijah's heart monitor minutes into his recovery after open heart surgery #2 (the big one). I traced his heartbeat from the monitor and and added a cross at the end. It's my reminder of Elijah's strength and steadfastness, combined with my faith in the promises God has given to me/us that we are going to survive this journey! I chose to put it in a place where I can see it often, and only a few weeks after having it I can say that it has already helped me. I LOVE IT.

A few people have said to me, "But what about a Sammy tattoo?!" And I reply with, "God gave me a natural Sammy tattoo!" It's true! Sammy and I have strangely similar (and very unique) birthmarks and I love this so much. Mine is on the side of my knee and Sammy's is on the side of his elbow. As a kid, I hated my birthmark, but now I LOVE it. It's another little special connection I have with my awesome Sammy Jammy. (Sammy's is on the left and mine is on the right.)

My boys have given me a three-day birthday extravaganza, involving time with the little boys, time alone, time with just Dan and time with all of my boys. Every moment has been filled with tons of love. My boys are the best! Today the four of us went to Valleyfair and had such a fun time. I have loved the past few days and even though 40 seems a little bit scary, I'm ready to tackle it. The decade of forty is going to be AWESOME.

On Straterra (month 1)

Maybe it's all of the driving I've been doing. I have had lots of time to ponder and I've pondered a lot. I'm thinking I should drive around the Cities for an hour every day just so I force myself to take a break and think! I have a handful of topics I'd like to explore through writing. Somehow writing helps me sort things out.

First topic...Straterra for anxiety for Elijah (month 1)!

Straterra is typically an ADHD med, but can also be used to treat anxiety. Since we have tried a handful of "true" anxiety meds with no success, Dr. M thought this would be a good "family" to explore. I was hesitant because of E's history with having adverse reactions to meds. June was a rough month behaviorally...really rough at times. We were kind of at the end of our ropes and felt like we were becoming stretched again (almost to the point we were at this past winter) and we were doing everything humanly possible to make Elijah happy/rested/peaceful, but to no avail. None of us were sleeping and we were all feeling anxious and impatient, so we decided to give these new meds a try.

Within 24 hours of giving Elijah Straterra we noticed a significant change for the better. His behavior was WAY improved. He was handling stress better, wasn't as agitated with little things and was obeying without a fight when we asked him to complete tasks. After almost a week on 10 mg, things weren't AS good. Still better, but not as good as those first few days. I called Dr. M and he suggested upping the dose to 20 mg. This coincided with the dawn of our road trip, which worried me, but I did it anyway. After a few days on the new dose, Elijah was seeming more agitated and he was also complaining of arm/shoulder/muscle pains. I consulted with Dr. M again and he suggested going back down to 10 mg. Sometimes it takes kids a while to adjust, he said.

We went back down to the low dosage and really, ever since he has been MOSTLY even-keeled. We have our episodes for sure (and when they happen my head usually spins), but they are SO much less extreme and they happen WAY less often. It has to be the meds.

I believe that without the meds, this road trip would not have been as happy/successful. We visited the same exact people on last year's trip and all of them told me that Elijah was much much much different this year (for the better). 

Before Straterra, one night of poor sleep put Elijah (and therefore the rest of us) out for an entire week. He does still have poor nights of sleep, and the next day is still rough behaviorally. But now, he rebounds much more quickly. The day after a poor night of sleep stinks, but the next day he is back to his happy self. Yesterday was ROUGH on our ride home because he didn't sleep well the night before. He got a decent night of sleep last night, and today was...AWESOME! Aside from potty talk, I did not have to correct a single thing ALL. DAY. LONG. That is a miracle!

He has also been much more affectionate with me since starting these meds. He wants to be physically close to me a lot...hugging, snuggling, talking about how much we love each other, etc. This is how things used to be back when he was, ohhh, three! His desire to be close to me has strengthened our bond, which has sadly negatively affected my relationship with Sammy. He sees this new change and acts out. I'm hoping he will adjust and our bond will grow again.

On good days like today, Elijah's patience with Sammy is stellar. Before meds, when Sam upset him, he would either head butt him or scream at him...or both. Today after Sam yanked a toy out of his hands I heard E patiently say, "Do you want that toy? How long will you have it?" !!!

From what I've read, Straterra (just like any med) does different things for different people. Whatever this medication does to Elijah's brain seems to be very good. Side effects are minimal at this dose. We may eventually want to increase the dosage again, but for now things are good. I am so happy I stepped out into the scary unknown and gave it a try.

To be continued! Pray with us for continued GOODness! 

I have THREE more hours in my thirties! Tomorrow is a big one. I think I'll handle it well but for three more hours I will wonder about it possibly being tough. We'll see! Thanks for peeking in!

Back from Summer 2015 road trip!

The boys and I are home! We drove 11.5 hours from Louisville today. We made two QUICK stops and we were so happy to be home. We hugged Dan a bunch and the boys ran around and released pent-up energy. We had such a memorable trip, both in Kentucky and North Carolina. I have SO MUCH to report.. about things we did and memories we made and also about things I have realized about Elijah in the past two weeks. 

In a nutshell.. We miss my dad and stepmom and the Karrs so much. We made some unforgettable memories! Elijah, Sammy and I are feeling sad tonight but also happy to be reunited with Dan and to sleep in our own beds.

The boys and Gramps dressed up as cows our first morning in Charlotte to get a free breakfast from Chick-Fil-A. Aren't they cute?!

We have been continuing on a low dose of Straterra for Elijah's anxiety and thankfully, he is still responding well. Overall, he did SO great on vacation. We had a few incidents but nothing catastrophic. While we were at my dad's, E slept in a very dark and cozy walk-in closet and I think that helped him get a few great nights of sleep in a row. Depending on how the next few nights go, I may think about putting a bed together in our closet. Anything to help!

More later! Must sleep!

Medication roller coaster and impending road trip!

The past week has been an interesting one. Elijah went from really struggling to being his super-sweet and kind little self (thank you, meds) and gradually back to struggling yesterday and today. As Dr. M suggested, we increased the dosage of meds today.  

In standard fashion, we're living on the edge here in the Porta family...testing the waters with medication before and during a big vacation. The little boys and I leave for Kentucky bright and early tomorrow morning. Sammy was especially excited today and kept asking why we can't leave for our road trip NOW?!

We decided to keep both boys up for fireworks this year. It's always a debate. Keeping Elijah up that late usually sets him back for a solid week. After only getting 5-6 hours of sleep Saturday night, he was very tired on Sunday but held himself together SO well, considering. It was kind of incredible, actually! It was fun to experience our first true 4th of July fireworks together as a family, but Elijah didn't even seem to enjoy it very much. The noise made him super anxious and he asked during the entire show when we could leave. The boys DID love the color wands that Grandma bought for them! Lucky boys.

The medication we have been giving to Elijah, for those who are curious, is Strattera (atomoxetine). Typically it is given to help with ADD/ADHD, but it can also help with anxiety. A few days into giving it to Elijah, I realized that I had not officially cleared it with Dr. G (cardiologist). He knows E's heart function better than anyone, so I always like to hear straight from him that any med is going to be ok for his heart. It took him a while to get back, so in the meantime I very stupidly googled "straterra and children with congenital heart disease." Please don't google that! UGH! I hate google sometimes and this is the reason I haven't done that since Elijah was a baby. The things I read were horrifying! We called Dr. G again to confirm whether or not we should continue this med. Everything is good. NO more googling medical concerns. EVER. Again. Find trusted doctors and TRUST THEM, people!

I don't know if today's dosage increase will be a good or bad thing, but we will find out...on the road...in the next day or so. Please pray with us that it is good! I want my boys to always feel peaceful and happy and rested.

We will be on the road for 10-11 hours tomorrow and we'll spend 4 full days with our favorite heart family who lives in Louisville. We LOVE the Karrs and look forward to spending time with them every summer. Then we'll drive onto Charlotte where we will spend a full week with my dad and stepmom. Eeeeek! Super excited! PLEASE, if it is on your heart, pray for Elijah's meds to work and for our trip to go smoothly. THANK YOU!

HOPE!

Today was another good day! For the second day in a row, the evening hours were peaceful. I have not described our evening hours as "peaceful" in a very very long time. Could it be? Could this medication be helping? We are sooo so hopeful.

I've been super aware today, mentally noting every little thing about Elijah's behavior. Maybe these are things I would have just overlooked on an ordinary day, but.. I noticed some differences today (in addition to the attitude improvement and PEACE). Despite looking tired (yawning a ton), E never looked groggy or glassy-eyed. Usually when he is tired, he also has a zoned-out look and his eyes glaze over and he shuts down.

Today he also seemed to be MUCH more aware of his surroundings. On the way to an appointment this morning, he looked out his window and said, "LOOK! There's Valleyfair over there and LOOK how green those trees are! And there's the river!" On the way back home I noticed that he was craning his neck to look through the front window of the car. I asked what he was looking at and he said, "Weird! It looks like there are puddles in the road, but then they disappear!" These are things that I don't think he would normally observe, especially when tired.

We have regressed a bit with night-time pottying but we are still getting up multiple times/night, so he is definitely tired. If behavior is as good as this when he is tired, I pray that it can only improve.

There were many times tonight when I braced myself, ready for the usual showdown. When it didn't happen, I almost didn't know what to do with myself! I'm cautiously thinking of what I might be able to do with all of this extra energy!

Hopeful hopeful hopeful!

Carefully hopeful

Today was...uhhm, AWESOME! I noticed some major positive differences in Elijah today and I can't help but think this new medication might be helping. Dan and I are feeling cautiously hopeful. PLEASE pray with us that this med will help out our precious oldest boy and his family!

I'll give an example from the day..

We were driving home from Elijah's OT visit. Elijah typically earns a small toy at the end of each session if he has a good attitude. Today he picked out a figurine from the movie Home, which both boys loved. E was playing with the toy in the car and Sammy swiped it right out of his hands. I clenched up because 99% of the time, Elijah will respond to something like this with either a raised fist, head-butting, very harsh words...or all of the above. I turned my rear-view mirror toward him immediately in anticipation and I was SHOCKED at what I saw!

Elijah calmly said, "Sammy! You took my toy! Mommy...will you please help me figure this out?!" Uhhh....WHAT?! I talked them through it and gave Elijah huge high-fives and praise. Wow! 

The entire day was filled with scenarios like this. I have been praying all day that this is not a coincidence. Please, God! Please pray with us. We are very cautiously hopeful tonight!

Berries and behavior

Soccer and swim lessons are done...hooray! It's sad, too. Sammy cried at the thought of not seeing his teammates again. He does not like change!

On a fun note, the boys and I picked berries for a Hope Kids event yesterday. It was fun and filled with flying beetles that were VERY attracted to Sammy. Despite that, we loved picking juicy strawberries. We picked three pints and they are all GONE! Yum!

I love these smiling faces!

We found a heart-shaped berry! 

I met with Elijah's Fraser social skills therapist by myself on Monday and had an unexpected reaction to our visit. I hadn't met with her sans Elijah since February. I explained to her what we experience daily... the fact that none of us really sleep past 4am and that we are often changing sheets and cleaning up accidents in the middle of the night and that we are constantly on edge and TIRED and we never know what to expect with behavior. C literally dropped her pen onto her pad of paper and said, "Megan...this is TOUGH stuff. Your lives are not the norm. PLEASE be easy on yourself."

Ugh...unexpected tears..

I know this, and I feel like I almost try to hide it from people. I never want anyone to feel like we think we are stretched more than anyone else. EVERYONE I know feels stretched beyond their means. Life is crazy for everyone! But things are tough here. C was validating.

I mentioned the medication Dr. M had prescribed and she felt like we should just try it. Why not?! My brain says, "Ha!" I have prayed so hard about this. Elijah is SO sensitive to meds and usually has such a negative reaction, but it is so enticing to try SOMETHING.

Dr. M thought we would know within two to three days if this med wasn't a good fit. This morning I handed E the capsule and prayed, "If he can't swallow it easily, it's a sign." He swallowed it easily. Overall, behavior today was slightly above average. We'll stick with the meds for a few more days before committing.

To be continued!

A few random things about today

- Elijah dunked his head under water FIVE times today during swim lessons! His teacher was sooooo shocked and excited. Brave boy.

- I took Sammy to kindergarten intake today and he did great. He was so stinkin' cute. He is certainly ready for school.

- While Elijah was in OT, Sammy and I ran out to the post office. On our way to the car, he started running quickly down the sidewalk in the opposite direction of our car. I yelled, "Sammy?! Where are you going?" He yelled over his shoulder, "Don't worry! I'm just takin' a long-cut!"

- The boys have been talking about the two high school graduation parties they went to on Saturday with Dan while I was shooting a wedding. I noticed today that instead of "graduation," they have been saying "congraduation." I like it!

- The boys were playing "doctor" with me tonight. Sammy was my doctor and Elijah was my mom. Sammy gave me about 10 shots and then went to test my reflexes and said, "Ok, I'm going to hit you REALLY hard now!" :) Elijah said, "Umm, I think you're a REALLY bad doctor!"

- We had mostly really great behavior today with just a few hiccups. I'll take it!

The past TWO weeks in numbers

3 trips to the swimming pool

8 swim lessons (E)

2 visits to child psychologist (E)

2 visits to Fraser - social skills class (E)

2 visits to OT (E)

2 visits to PT (E)

1 visit to pulmonologist (E)

1 visit to development pediatrician (E)

1 visit to pediatrician (S)

2 photo shoots

1 full day of wedding photography

6 blog posts written

4 soccer games (S)

1 birthday party thrown

7 trips to the gym

10 loads of laundry done

5 trips to the grocery store

2 photo sessions edited

4 parks visited

Summer has been soooo crazy! We are enjoying it, but wow! Swim lessons end this week, so next week will be a bit lighter. But then we'll be getting ready for our big trip! The little boys and I are road-tripping out east again this summer. First stop: Kentucky, to visit one of our favorite heart families, Evan and Co. Second stop: North Carolina, to visit my dad and stepmom. We are excited!

As you can see from the above list, we've been spending a lot of time in the water. I am determined to get these boys swimming! Both boys have been terrified about dunking their heads under water, so we have been working hard on it. FINALLY, after much coaxing and a bit of bribery, Elijah willingly went under water today THREE TIMES! His swim instructor is going to be soooo happy tomorrow to see this! He also went down a huge water slide all by himself six times and (kind of) jumped off the edge of the pool into my arms. Progress! And have I mentioned that Sammy is actually excited to get into the pool these days? That is such huge progress compared to last year!

We are currently in a night-time potty transition, which means...sleep disturbances. Which means...we are having a hard time controlling our behavior (all of us). Things had gotten a bit better but they are a bit rough again. Don't get me wrong, it is GOOD that night-time potty is finally being addressed. In the long run, this will be a good thing as long as we can stick with it.

I hope you all are enjoying summer! This weather is fabulous. I'll end with a few Sammy funnies:

cardboard = "carveboard"

instead of "fall in love," he says "follow in love"

Pulmonology and dev-ped check-ups

Yesterday Elijah had a check-up with his pulmonologist, who he still sees because of croup. We have always loved Dr. K. He is one of the best doctors we have ever gotten to know. I am constantly amazed at and so thankful for our incredible doctors. As always, Dr. K blew my socks off. He is incredibly smart, relatable and kind. He always makes us as parents feel valued, validated and respected. As I talked about E's croup in the past year, he kept saying, "Very interesting." When I finished talking, he explained what he found so interesting. First of all, it is "highly unusual" for an 8-year-old to get recurrent croup (of course!). He was intrigued that Sammy also gets it regularly and severely. Also, according to him, most parents never know when croup is coming and they live in constant fear. I almost always know when it's coming, and I give the boys oral steroids to prevent or lessen an episode. Dr. K was in agreement that giving meds preventatively is absolutely the right thing to do. As for E's croup, although he is perplexed, he feels we are doing everything we can at this point.

He asked about summer plans and I shared that the little boys and I will be road-tripping out east again this year. He thought that was just the coolest thing ever and promised that he would send me a few children's books on CD that his children once enjoyed. What doctor does that? He is the best!

I have to share another little tidbit about our visit.. I brought both boys to the appointment and as expected, they started to fight. Elijah tried to head butt Sammy and a few unsavory words came out of his mouth. Then Sammy was saying, "Mommy-Mommy-Mommy" repeatedly as I tried to talk to the doctor. Dr. K looked straight at Sammy and firmly said, "Excuse me!" then at Elijah and said, "Elijah, you need to chill a little bit, okay?" Both boys quieted. At first I was embarrassed and thought he must think I'm a horrible mother. After the appointment I realized he was trying to help me. He has children. He knows children. He saw me stressing while trying to focus, and he helped me out.

Today we visited with Dr. M, E's developmental ped...another top-notch doctor! Seriously, I cannot say enough good things about his team. Dr. M took tons of time with us. Learning from yesterday, I brought Sammy to daycare so I could FOCUS. Elijah did great! We did not have even a single issue during the entire appointment, which is a pretty rare thing these days. We discussed the past few months...how school ended on a mostly good note and how summer is beginning on a mostly sour note. He suggested another med to "take the edge off," but of course I'm hesitant to try it. Elijah is so sensitive to meds, but the prospect of that "edge" being rounded out a little bit is so enticing. Dan and I have some talking to do.

Dr. M is so good at building Elijah (and me!) up and making him feel proud of himself. He uncovered all of E's accomplishments in the past few months and made sure to give him huge props for everything. This is something I feel like I don't do enough. :( It is so easy to get caught up in the challenging times when we are in the trenches. Dr. M gave me a renewed perspective and I promised myself that I will DAILY tell Elijah how proud I am of him (Sammy, too). I am SO proud of my boys. Despite E's challenges, he is doing so incredibly well...and thriving! It is easy to forget about the hurdles he's jumped over to get to the point he is at now!

As I have been saying, the past few weeks have been challenging. I have been praying so hard for a breakthrough in ANY area. Last night at 3am, Elijah called me into his room, which is not unusual. What IS unusual is that he told me he had to go poop. So he did....IN THE TOILET. This is the first time he has ever done this in the middle of the night. He stayed clean for the entire rest of the night. Maybe our new "system" of taking toys away has been working?! We did a lot of talking about it today and I'm praying last night was a huge step in the right direction. I shared this accomplishment with Dr. M today and he was OVER THE MOON and hopeful about it.

I feel like we are doing EVERYTHING possible to help Elijah feel happier and more peaceful/rested. Please pray with us that we continue to make all of the right decisions!

That's all I have for tonight! Have a great evening!

Desperate times...

What a weekend! We celebrated Sammy (again) this weekend, this time with extended family and friends. Sammy requested a COW theme for his party (I love this), and of course we complied. I love that he chose something a little bit off-the-wall. He was super excited to have a few friends attend this year. His daycare buds are the BEST!

These four cuties have been going to the same daycare since birth. The boys LOVE these girls! They are the sweetest little things and I'm so glad they have such a special bond with one another.

Birthday bro hugs. :)

The cow piñata got a beating.

And today we broke out our pool for the first time this year. The boys had a blast! Sammy is so much braver than ever before with water and trying new things. I'm proud of him!

In all honesty, it has been rough going for our family. Elijah is really struggling again, the boys have not been getting along and it seems like there is often some sort of turmoil in our home. Potty issues have regressed hugely, which has all affected sleep and sanity. I know that better times are in store, but until then we are spent.

This will be another crazy week, including three doctor's appointments, three therapy appointments and swim lessons. I think I just need to accept the fact that life will always be nuts!

Elijah started seeing a child psychologist on Friday and I will take him to see her weekly for the next few months. She is AWESOME! Our hope is that she can help him learn some coping techniques that will lessen anxiety and frustration.

You can see from these photos that we had a few moments of summer-time peace today, thanks to Dan and his bubble-making.

Dan and I have had to get extreme recently. Behavior, potty and sass have been OUT of control, so we have taken away ALL technology until we see an improvement in behavior and sass. And every time there is a potty accident, we take a toy away from E. To earn one toy back he needs to use the toilet successfully all on his own. We are going to keep with this until we see improvement!

Early to bed tonight. Thanks for peeking in! Have a wonderful week!

Desperately seeking sanity

Today will never be forgotten in this mama's mind. It was one of my most challenging days being a mother. Elijah's behavior has escalated to a degree that I never imagined it could. I don't know how many more days like today I can stomach! Please pray for my sanity and for Elijah to feel peaceful! 

We have stayed very busy and that likely has been a contributing factor to the madness. On Friday the little boys and I were able to go to the zoo for a few hours, courtesy Hope Kids. We had fun!  We scurried around and saw as many animals as we could before bedtime crept up on us. Here are the boys in the "stinky jungle." :)

Dan made it home safely from DC on Tuesday night. The following pics are moments the boys asked me to capture and send to him while he was away. 

Elijah re-started OT/PT this week! We decided to take a break back in February when life was really overwhelming, so we will see how it goes starting back up. Both his OT and PT did testing on Wednesday to see how much service he will be able to receive. His PT called me back at the end of the session to show me Elijah's new accomplishment! He never would have done this a few months ago!

The boys and I have been loving on a few plants this spring. It has been fun watching them grow. Elijah and Sammy get so excited to water their flowers and veggies!

We made it to the pool for the first time early this week. Elijah is so much more capable in shallow water. I worry much less than I did last year about him wading around. He starts another round of swim lessons next week, so things will only improve!

And guess what?! Sammy did not even hesitate to remove his shirt and socks. WOW! He got into the pool right away. WOW! He even got upset when I told him to stay a little bit closer to me. In fact, I believe he said something like, "I'm going to swim away from you FOREVER!" See how that works out for you, Sammy!

Elijah has his first appointment tomorrow with a new psychologist. The timing is great. I/We need her more than ever. Thanks for checking in!

Time of transition

I am always amazed by how much bigger and older the boys look when I do these photo collages. Look at that growth!

Saying good-bye to second grade has been a bit tough! Elijah has come to me nearly in tears a handful of times in the past few days talking about how much he misses his teacher. This morning he told me that he was nervous for third grade. I've never heard him verbalize being nervous about anything. I think he really understands how great of a teacher she is and how much she did for him. Next year is going to be a change, just like every year is!

His teacher sent me an email about E's last day of school. He had forgotten a letter he had written for her at home and he was devastated. He cried and cried and after a few minutes he whizzed by her mumbling, "I know what I can do.." and ran to the scrap paper drawer. He composed the following letter right there in class:

Not only is this just the sweetest letter, but it is impressive that he thought of a solution to his problem! This is a new thing and we've seen it happen at home a few times in the past few weeks. Progress!

On the other hand, behavior this week has been challenging. Elijah has regressed on many levels and we are seeing behaviors that haven't been around since February. I don't think he has been sleeping very well, but I would need to have him wear the fitbit again to know for sure. I'm not sure what exactly is going on, but I'm going to give it another week or so before I start to worry. Maybe the end of the school year caught up with him and he's spent. Maybe the end of second grade is weighing on him.

I have also noticed another slight runny nose, which always interferes with sleep juuuust enough. Tonight he laid down on his pillow to go to sleep and immediately began wailing in pain! His ear is bothering him, which could be an ear infection. I gave him pain medicine and lightly pressed my hand on his ear until he fell asleep. I am PRAYING for that to just GO AWAY. No thank you!

I thought by this point in the year things would open up for us and I'd feel much more relaxed, but that is not happening. This week is going to be crazy. I'm ready...let's do this.

I'll wrap this post up with a few funnies!

Tonight as the boys were crawling into bed (before Elijah began screaming), Sammy informed me that he was NOT going to bed tonight. He would lock himself in the bathroom and hide in the cupboard. He would NEVER sleep again. He would get up in the middle of the night and LEAVE THIS HOUSE. I continued the routine as usual and acted like everything was wonderful. I asked if I could tuck him in and he said, "NO!" I asked if I could give him a hug and kiss and he began to look sad at the thought of that not happening, so he held one thumb pointing straight up and the other pointing to the side. He said, "Do you know what THIS means?" Ugh, I didn't want to know but said yes. "It means, 'Yeah, maybe.'" This boy! So clever. Later when I came in to deal with Elijah's ear, Sammy said, "Remember earlier when I said I didn't want you to ever snuggle with me again? I changed my mind. I'd like you to snuggle me tomorrow."

Dan is in DC right now, so the boys are always asking questions about what he's doing and seeing, etc. Today Sammy referred to DC as "George Washington DC." :)

Last week Sammy got upset with me about something and told me that he didn't want me to be his mommy anymore (this happens often, sadly). I heard Dan say to him, "Sammy, you could search the entire world and not find a better mommy!" Sammy replied, "Then I think I'll travel outside of Earth to find one."

Have a great week!

Sammy-Jammy's FIFTH birthday!

Five years ago I was in a hospital room snuggling with the cutest, sweetest newborn. I fell in love with him the second I met him. I remember not wanting to put him down...to the extent where Dan would pry him from my arms so that I would get some sleep! Sammy has always felt like the most perfect addition to our family. I can't imagine my life without his snuggles and constant stream of hilarious antics. Happy fifth birthday, my PRECIOUS youngest boy! I love you to pieces!

I can't help but spoil my boys rotten on their birthdays. I do. Today was no exception.

I stayed home from work to spend the day with my cutie pie! The two of us went to the Mall of America and rode a couple rides, followed by lunch, visiting Dan at work, quiet time at home, making cupcakes, opening presents, family dinner at Applebee's (always his favorite!) and dessert at home. Whew! What a day!

Isn't that the BEST, happiest birthday face?

At dinner tonight Sammy doused me with "colossal hugs" (as he calls them), smooches and snuggles. He kept saying, "I will never EVER leave you! I love you soooo much! I'm going to snuggle you FOREVER!" And in standard Sammy fashion, he finished by saying, "But...I'm leaving for Russia tomorrow."

I have to share another funny from today. I said to him, "SAMMY! How do you feel about being FIVE years old?!" He said (without skipping a beat), "I am powerful and impressed with male pattern baldness!" Wha..?! I had no idea that "male pattern baldness" was a part of his vocabulary!

Today was Elijah's last day of second grade! There are a lot of emotions wrapped up in that (for me). Dan leaves for DC on Saturday and the next few days are PACKED with fun adventures for the little boys and me. It is officially summer break, which is such a strange feeling. Yay and yikes!

Have a great rest of your week and thank you for checking in!

Boy funnies!

I was tickling Sammy from his toes up to his head. As I got close to his armpits, he raised his elbows up in the air like a chicken and said SO cutely, "Are you looking for THEEEEEEESE?!?!?!" Elijah and I laughed SO HARD. We have rehashed the line a hundred times since!

Sammy is not officially a "reader," but he can read many small words and spell them, too. He has been sorting out letters and sounds and often asks me about specific sounds/words. The silent E on the ends of words has been hard for him to understand. In standard Sammy fashion, he has defied it. "WHY don't we say the E on the end of DONE?" So now, every time he says the word "done," he pronounces it DONE-eh. "Mommy, I am DONE-eh with my lunch."

After giving him a big hug, Sammy said to me, "Thank you, Lady of Confidence!"

Sammy writes his initial on EVERYTHING that is his. He does NOT want Elijah to invade on his territory. I see a huge letter S on so many things in our house!

When we leave the club, we walk through two big double doors. Elijah has started pushing them both open at the same time and saying, "Welcome to the FUTURE!"

Tonight Sammy was being super sassy, so Dan talked to him and had him sit in a time-out. Sammy does NOT like being in trouble. He told Dan: "I'm leaving this house and going to NOWHERE. I'm not gonna miss ANYONE."

Our week in bullet points

My brain is thinking in bullets instead of sentences/paragraphs, so here is a bulleted recap of our past week!

- Dan and I continue to be overwhelmed about how good it feels to spend entire spring/summer weekends and evenings together as a family. We haven't done this consistently since Elijah was a year old, so it is foreign. And really, really nice.

- Last weekend we went to a movie as a family (Home...SO CUTE!), spent time with family, went to the horse races (we haven't done this since E was 1, either) and visited a few parks.

- We said good-bye to our beloved Fishy-Wishy this week, as he swirled away from us down the toilet. Sammy cried genuinely sad tears.

- We spent one enjoyable day with a caterpillar friend who we found adoring Sammy from his shoulder.

- Elijah had an overall GREAT week at school. He went on a field trip with his class today and got a "great" report from his awesome special education teacher, which earned him a few Pokemon cards from Mama.

- Sammy had another cute soccer game on Thursday. Grandma and Grandpa came to cheer him on with us!

- I have never been so excited for Friday to come! The past two weeks have been crazy!

- I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but Sammy has been really interested in recycling. He has learned which pieces of garbage can be recycled and he is our POLICE. If I throw a recyclable item in the garbage, he reprimands me. "This is RECYCLING! Not garbage!" He has been asking to look at photos of recycling facilities, so maybe we will have to find one to visit this summer.

- Another interest of Sammy's is sea creatures. He LOVES learning about anything that lives in the ocean and retains all of the information so well. He will often say things to me like, "Mommy, did you know that whale sharks are as big as a school bus?"

- Sammy has also been making rules around our house that he wants us all to follow. For example, our pantry door is usually open because we have stuff spilling out of it and sitting on the floor in front of it. The other day he reorganized everything inside so that it could easily close. Then he put a post-it note with the word "PANTRY" written on it on the door and closed it. He told each of us that the pantry door needed to be closed at all times. If one of us leaves it open, he says, "WHO left the pantry door open? WHO?!"

- Sammy is finally getting over his croupy cough that lasted WAY too long. He hasn't been getting as much sleep as usual because of it and has tired eyes today.

- On the other hand, I think Elijah has been sleeping well! I say "I think" because I have stopped recording his sleep on his fitbit since he has seemed so rested. He does still wake up in the middle of the night occasionally and he is ready to start the day EARLY, but nothing like before. We also have our daily struggles, but things overall are manageable. He has experienced regression in certain areas recently, but we have noticed some real progress this spring! "Progress with hiccups" is how his teacher explained the past few months and I think that says it perfectly.

- I am excited for another weekend spent with my awesome boys! We may or may not make it to the dropzone for MY first time this season. Next week will be another busy week, with some exciting things thrown in such as Sammy's fifth birthday and Elijah's last day of second grade!

- Thanks for checking in and for putting up with my disjointed bullets! Have a great weekend!

Croup: Season 5, Episode 2 (Samson)

I've been hoping that Elijah's sickness from last week would pass right over Sammy, but no such luck. Sam was sounding croupy before bed last night, so we gave him a TINY preventative dose of oral steroids. He was up at 9:00 coughing and barking. I have to say that he is SO calm and sweet when he is sick. He wraps his little arms around my neck so sweetly. We sat in a steamy bathroom and then Dan brought him outside. Then, as I usually do when the boys are sick, I brought him to bed with us. He was wheezy for most of the night, but stayed calm and that helped to not send him into a full-blown episode. He took up ALL of my side of the bed, so I literally slept on 6 inches of the edge and wrapped my legs around the bottom of the bed. I think Elijah got the best night of sleep out of all of us for maybe the first time ever!

Sammy took a nap at daycare today and woke up with another croup episode. Ever since, he has been wheezy/barky. We took every preventative measure we could think of before bed tonight. He still sounds rough despite our efforts and I'm fully expecting another round tonight. Poor dude.

It has been a TIRING week. I worked 20 hours in Cannon Falls in addition to accomplishing just about everything else I normally accomplish in a week. I went on a field trip with E's class on Tuesday and had so much fun inspecting samples from a pond at a nature reserve. I have always loved going on field trips with him (minus a few nightmares from first grade). Sammy had a cute soccer practice last night. He is starting to feel more comfortable on the field. I LOVE watching him run around and have fun with other kids, even though he doesn't interact a ton with them yet.

I have 20 minutes of work to do and then I am putting this computer down and turning into a vegetable for the evening! Have a GREAT weekend, everyone! Be safe and have fun!

Croup: Season 7, Episode 4 (Elijah)....and a few other things

Yesterday I heard a familiar cough from Elijah and I had the thought that croup might be in our future. He woke up at 1:00am barking like a seal. We spent 15 minutes in a steamy bathroom and he sounded good enough to go back to bed. At 3:00 it was worse, so he and Dan did a round in the bathroom, followed by a dose of oral steroids and a trip outside. It got a little bit better and it was nowhere near as severe as it usually is, but he had moderate stridor even after our efforts. So that I could listen closely (and obsess), I brought him to bed with us. After 1 1/2 hours of Elijah sleeping soundly and me not sleeping at all, I retreated to the couch. Early morning sleep is so touchy with him and I did not want to do anything to wake him up once he was out. He still sounded barky in the morning, so we kept him home from school today.

I loaded Elijah up with essential oils tonight (thieves and frankincense!) and also gave him a preventative dose of steroids in hopes of avoiding a repeat of last night.

(Sammy is the cute little green guy in the middle with the red socks..)

This week has been BUSY and (mostly) fun! It was so much fun watching Sammy at his first soccer game on Saturday. He was hesitant to go out onto the field, but once he was out there he ran around and loved it. Every time he was running fast down the field, he would look over at me with a huge smile and give me two thumbs up. :)

Sunday was Mother's Day and it was incredible. My boys spoiled me with breakfast in bed, precious cards and gifts, flowers, a NAP, lunch out with Dan's family and tons of love and snuggle time. I think Mother's Day should happen every week!

Tuesday was Elijah's second grade track and field day. It was COLD! We were all bundled up in coats, hats, mittens, SCARVES and blankets. Elijah did so great at his events and tried his best. I was a proud mama! Minus a 15-minute stretch when the boys would not stop tackling each other in front of Elijah's classmates, it went smoothly and we had fun.

Here is Elijah and a friend of his getting ready to do the shoe kick! Super cute!

He did the hippity-hop relay again this year. He was behind the rest, but finished valiantly!

And this one was a total surprise to me.. he stacked cups! 

And of course they ended with a tug-of-war. The whole event was so fun to watch.

A few other tidbits from our week..

Dan and I celebrated nine years of marriage yesterday! Nine years. So much has happened, but I love my wonderful hubby more than ever. I don't know what I would do without him! Our traditional dinner out was one of the most delicious ones we remember.

I find lovely little nuggets on my phone such as the following all the time. Nice..

A neighbor of ours got out his mini 1959 Corvette last weekend and let Elijah sit in it (Sammy refused). It runs and everything! So cool!

That's enough excitement for one week, I think! I'm looking forward to the weekend when we can all relax and prepare for a couple of crazy weeks coming up. I'll be working in Cannon Falls for the next few weeks, so some other things will need to be shelved for a bit.

Thanks for checking in! Have a great weekend!

Trading card benefits and something that is hard to explain

Two posts within just a few days? What is going on? There are a few things I wanted to write out before I forget about them. The first thing is GOOD! On Wednesday I saw the number for Elijah's school pop up on my phone. Most of the time this does not mean good news, so I took a deep breath and answered. It was Elijah's teacher, kindly calling to tell me about a positive change she has seen in him this week. First, a quick rewind to a few weeks ago.. Elijah came home and insisted that I let him get Pokemon cards because all the boys in his class were trading them. I felt this could only be a good thing for him, considering the socializing needed for this activity, so we took a trip to the store and got some. He has been talking a little bit about them since and how he and his friends have been making trades. Back to the phone call.. Mrs. G said that since he became interested in the cards, he has befriended a few boys in his class. This would be the first time EVER showing interest in having boys as friends! She said that she was seeing some really positive changes in him, including increased confidence with his peers. She also suggested that this might be a good time to ask a few boys over for a play date and she gave me two names. She mentioned that some major maturing has been happening and that he still blurts out inappropriately, but that he can reign it in much more easily than before (same as at home). I was so grateful for all of this news and also that she thought to call and share it with me.

On another note, the boys and I have been checking out some new parks in the area with the warmer weather. Last week we saw a park that we had never been to, so I pulled over and let them play for a bit. Two kids at the park were interested in Elijah right away and asked him to play. He asked them if Sammy could join in, and they said yes. They all started running around in a tag-like fashion and as usual, Elijah backed out right away. He couldn't keep up, so he started doing his own thing. The other two kids looked confused and asked him why he wouldn't play. As his mom, it is SO HARD to watch this. Should I say something? Nothing? Then I heard Sammy say to them, "Something is wrong with him." Oh man. I could see that this bothered Elijah and that it confused the two kids. When we left, I had a gentle talk about Elijah's heart surgeries and how he might not always be able to keep up with other kids because of what he has been through. I tried to let them know that nothing is "wrong" with Elijah. He obviously does have delays, but I also always want him to feel normal. I have absolutely no idea how to explain it so that both sides are understood.

Sammy did great at his first soccer practice this week. I will say this gently, but I feel like all of the other kids are being groomed to excel...at age 4...and at this point we are there to learn and have fun. I'm going to be the parent who doesn't care about performance (at least not at age 4) and who cheers her awesome little boy on as he kicks the ball into the wrong goal! His first game is tomorrow morning. I can't wait! He looks so darn cute out there and he has a blast with the hugest, cutest smile on his face.

Dan is stuck in a Chicago airport tonight for the second time this spring, so we won't see him until tomorrow afternoon. We can't wait! We've missed him this week! Thanks for checking in...have a great weekend!

Spring adventures

The past week has been packed with fun and new things! Last weekend Sammy started soccer. He willingly put on his shin guards and cleats and willingly walked onto the field with a bunch of strangers (both huge feats). After they kicked balls around for a bit, we went over to meet the team he will be with for the season. He did NOT want to leave this first group of kids, and refused to say a word or even show himself to his team. His first practice is tomorrow night and I have absolutely no idea how it will go! Hopefully great! He looked sooooo cute running around on the soccer field on Saturday with his sunglasses and cute kicking.

We hit a fun park after soccer and walked around a lake. Sammy got caught up in looking for fish from the dock. We need to get these boys fishing this summer!

On Sunday we came upon a few Twins tickets, so we headed downtown for our first-ever game in the new stadium! It is NICE! The boys enjoyed...oh, the soft pretzels and mini donuts. I enjoyed the weather and scenery! It was a fun experience. Driving to the stadium as a family was surreal. For the past five years, the only time we are ever ALL driving somewhere fun on a warm, sunny day is when we are on vacation. Dan will not be skydiving full-time this year and it is strange! Wonderfully strange.

And guess who wouldn't stand by the golden glove for a photo?

Dan is in DC this week, so the boys and I are handling life ourselves. School is going well for Elijah overall. I'm SO happy that we are wrapping up the year on a mostly good note. And I cannot believe that the year is almost done. How in the world did that happen?!

It hit me last week that my days alone with Sammy are limited! This was such a sad realization for me. I cherish our alone time so much when Elijah is at school and Dan is at work. We run errands, check out new parks, have picnics, play at the mall, go to the club, hang out at home and snuggle (not all in the same day, of course). I'm going to miss this. I have been making an extra effort to enjoy every minute with my littlest cutie pie.

By the way, I've had a few people ask so I wanted to mention that we are still using essential oils on Elijah and I swear they are working. It seems like WAY too simple of a solution, hence my continued skepticism. We still have our bumps and challenging stretches for sure, but they are so much less bumpy. I think we've found a good combination that helps him sleep better, which in turn helps so much with anxiety. I have also discovered that Thieves works miracles for killing germs. We still have very specific struggles that we deal with daily at school and home, but overall life is much more peaceful than it was two months ago. We have an appointment with E's developmental ped coming up and he will also be starting cognitive behavioral therapy to work on coping skills/anxiety in June.

That's all for now! I'm hoping you are having a great week! Thanks for checking in!